To The Victor Go The Spoils

This blog is a zombie. It never really dies.

2010-11-30T21:52:00.000-08:00

Holy cow, when did I get all these followers?

Back in action, kinda sorta.

So. Much. Has. Happened.

Remember that Perfect Boyfriend from my last few posts? He turned out to be a controlling, jealous, insecure asshat.

Reader, I dumped him.

I am now officially single for the first time in my adult life.

The is a new guy who I am casually fucking. l call him Lover Boy. I am determined not to get attached. Even though he's cute, funny, kind, and hung like a horse.

Tomorrow night looks like my first dinner date with a potential sugar daddy since re-entering the single life.

Strap yourselves in..it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Sorry for the delay...

2010-01-26T21:40:00.000-08:00

So much going on. Deluged by emails over at SA. Working on several different pots right now. Decided it would be awesome to set a goal for myself like, say, an average of 1K a week? At my current allowance requirement that would mean I would need, bare minimum, 2 SDs. And probably 3, for those times when things just don't work out like they should. That's what I've been looking for though - multiple SDs to help me accomplish my goals as fast as possible. This time around I'm like a laser beam, focusing on exactly what I want and what I can provide.

Cam guy disappeared - big surprise. I'm giving crazy emailing guy another chance - I stood him up and apologized, and he's still down to meet me. And I'm looking for a gift daddy on top of that.

However, until I actually physically meet up with anyone, I won't consider myself to be "back in the saddle", if you know what I mean. I have one pot who is young, hot, and super nice, as well as willing to travel to me (sweet!) so we'll see if that chemistry translates.

What do you do when...

2010-01-19T13:21:00.000-08:00

You think you have an amazing connection with a potential SD but then he bombards you with emails?

I'll let you know if I decide to meet him for drinks tonight.

Camming?

2010-01-13T21:52:00.000-08:00

I found an SD on the West Coast who is looking to cam with a girl a few times a week for 300 to 400 each time. We're supposed to start tomorrow night.

Camming is fine by me. It does not feel like cheating. It feels like a job.

This guy wants to move fast. I'm skeptical. We'll see how this goes.

I'm semi-back! Quandary of the brain. Help a sister out.

2010-01-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

Big emotional rant. Not as finger-point-y as last time, I swear. Mostly about my internal turmoil caused by the conflict of love v. money.

I have not officially returned to the sugar lifestyle yet. I'm teetering on the brink right now. I want some input on this.

My amazing, wonderful bf found out about Mr. Sexy and asked me to explain. Said it was disgusting. Made me swear never to do it again - the ultimatum of "We can get past this and stay together if you're prepared to change. You can have this new life with me where you make your own money, or you can be single and have your old life."

Ah. Change. Is that a thing I am prepared to do?

Of course, in that moment, I chose him, no problem. Well, I may have hesitated a bit, but only because I was concerned that the lack of trust that was instantly created when he found out about my past was going to be so damaging to the relationship that we might as well break it off. He assured me that trust can be earned back. He wants to marry me, and he is serious about it. He doesn't mind my colorful sexual history or my emotional baggage. He's a good guy. A hard worker. Smart. Good in bed. Loves to go downtown. Theoretically, I absolutely want to shape up, get a respectable job, and settle down into a sweet life with him.

I'm having a severe crisis now. I'm missing the security of an SD. Also, over the past few years I've become really interested in exotic dancing. I have no moral objection to either of these professions - and even if you want to believe sugaring is "dating", it honestly feels a like more like work. Were I single, I would probably strip in addition to cultivating relationships with multiple SDs. After a month or so I would have a very decent amount of cash rolling in, as opposed to the measly amount I make in the terrible hours of my current job.

I miss it. I miss holding 500 dollars in my hand. I miss all the extras that comes with financial security. Being able to fix my car, fill my tank all the way up, get my hair blown out, etc.

Not to mention, I'm so much more experienced now with money. I would spend FIRST on the most crucial things - an oil change for my car, college textbooks, health checkups. The most frivolous thing I can think of is a new cell phone to replace my 3 year old model.

I can either be chronically broke and have a great bf, or I can be single and independently wealthy.

I haven't been single since I was 15. I'm 21 now. It's scary.

I have 12 dollars in my bank account and my car is on empty. It's scary.

There are other solutions. I can SB/dance on the side and hope my bf doesn't find out. I can try to get a higher paying non-sexual job (which is what I'm trying to do right now). I can confront my boyfriend and tell him that sex industry work is just a part of dating me and that if he doesn't like it he can lump it. I can tell him I need a break, the relationship is getting too serious and I need space, and make as much as I can in those couple of months, and then get back together with him and hope he doesn't ask what I did. I can take out a student loan (which I may actually need if my financial aid doesn't come through in time), pay for the classes I want to take this semester and live meagerly off the rest of it, just enough to keep me from overdrafting my account. I can ask my family for a loan. I can buy a lottery ticket.

What to do, babies? Celebrate financial independence while mourning the only healthy relationship I've ever had? Be gleefully single and able to screw any guy I want, but worry constantly about when I'm going to find that magical sugar daddy? Bust my ass at another stab-your-eyes-out-boring white-collar 9 to 5 so that I don't have to sell my body for money? Humbly work a low wage job to help put myself through college, like every honest person on the planet does? Learn the value of a dollar by working for 8 of them an hour, or invest in a Roth IRA that will make me rich by the time I'm 60?

This relationship is good for me. My last one was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. My parents have met this guy. At the same time, I'm really young to decide "this is it" and give up stuff I love (I admit, I love the chase, and I love exhibitionism, and I love dressing up, and I love it when men give me money) for a guy, no matter how many other ways he is awesome.

I can't SB my whole life, and a dancer's career is very limited. You have to get in, make your money, and get out. My bf has reminded me that in the future I won't be able to get by on my looks like I have been, so I need to start practicing for that now by finishing school and getting a real job.

I don't want a real job, I want heavy black eyeliner, lingerie, and Paris.

I also want love.

I don't want to live that double life any more. I don't want the deceit. I don't want the lies.

I do want the money.

I do want the boy.

I am a monster made of greed and love.

Fuck my life.
Fuck my personal demons.
Fuck capitalism that makes me want money more than love.
Fuck patriarchal society for making me scared to be single.
Fuck my last relationship for making me so unsure of what I actually want.
Fuck the internet for making everything immoral and unjustifiable at my fingertips.
Fuck Mother Nature for giving my this body and this face.
Fuck Father Time for setting a time limit on them.
Fuck men in general.
Fuck the inventor of money.
Fuck the inventor of monogamous romantic love.
Fuck opportunity costs.

Shit shit shit. Hell fuck ass. Who am I? What the fuck am I? Is my priority school, or earning? Is it freedom, or love? Am a globe-trotting courtesan? Am I a very high paid call girl with one client? Am I the good little girlfriend? Am I the kind of person that can make a large personal sacrifice for the person they love? Am I a liar, a cheater? Am I a butcher, baker, or candlestick maker?

Time for a cup of tea.

If you want something done right, do it yourself.

2009-10-28T21:37:00.000-07:00

I forgot to put this into my last blog post (published 15 minutes ago) so I'm just writing a new one instead of editing the other. So if you're very confused go read my last 2 posts before this one.

Disclaimer: No need to flame me for this one, though it may well ruffle some feathers. I just need to vent. This is disjointed and rambling stream of consciousness. Please know that mostly when I criticize people, I'm really criticizing myself.

Boy, I burned out on this lifestyle really fucking quick.

The one good thing to come out of the craziness with this scumbag (who lives on Mountain Road in Lovettsville VA, and who WILL try to get you to go back to his house with him the day you meet him!) is that I am 1000% more resolved in my job hunt. I am sick of waiting around for SDs to come through, sick of panic attacks and nervous crying fits when my bank account drops below 3 figures, sick of relying on other people for help. I want to spoil myself with MY OWN FUCKING MONEY. I want to put MY OWN MONEY in my gas tank. I want to take my boyfriend out on MY DIME, not someone else's. I am so sick of feeling uncertain about cashflow all the time. Sometimes you just have to hit bottom to really resolve yourself to change something shitty in your life - when I got that email, that was it. The bottom of the abyss. The end of a fantasy life that amounted to nothing but castles in the sky. The beginning of the 12 step program.

Did I say the one good thing? Cause there was another. Fuck fucking this guy. The only guy I want to fuck is my boyfriend. The last boy, I messed up a lot. I fucked other guys lots of times. I was restless, he was abusive, it was too painful to try to get away so I hid inside of affairs. By the time I was 19 I was so, so jaded. The spark was gone, we didn't love each other any more but we NEEDED each other, if you know what I mean. It was totally dependent and unhealthy.

Fuck all that drama. I'm not messing this one up. I'm not fucking another guy, even if I don't love him, even if he has money. I want to straighten the fuck up and fly right. I want to live my life with pride and with no cloud of fear lingering over me - fear of being found out, fear of NOT being found out. This is too good. I want to marry this boy. And when you get that feeling, that marrying feeling, you give up on bullshit like this because you've suddenly got a timeline for getting your shit together. I want a decent job now that will get me through college so I can get a good job in the future so I can take care of me, him, and our beautiful babies. That's how fucking serious I am.

But, dear god, this is America! And what is America without the lure of easy money around every corner?

In a way, I was very relieved when the scumbag pot said he could not do dinner + encounter. Because it meant I would not have to fake (well, semi-fake, but you know what I mean) being something I wasn't. If he had just wanted straight vanilla sex, I doubt I would have gotten anywhere near as pissed, because then I would not have spent 12 straight hours mentally preparing myself to take on a certain "role" (dominatrix). That's what was so great about Mr. Sexy - I was really, truly myself with him. If we had fucked, I wouldn't have to fake a second of it.

However, I sent him a polite email yesterday evening thanking him again for lunch and asking him if an allowance might fit into our daddy/daughter dynamic, now that we've met in RL and know we're compatible in all the right ways - I even mentioned that I was fine with the physical aspect as long as we took it at a reasonable pace. And though I am almost certain he's received that email, he hasn't responded. Does the idea of regularly helping a broke hot college girl out in exchange for her companionship really seem so abhorrent to these men that they must disappear, flake off, and otherwise ignore us? I'm getting on my fucking soapbox now. I know there are GOOD SDs out there - I've had one. Men who don't treat you like tarts but like princesses. But the liars, the manipulators, the cheats and fetish-mongers and scammers and weirdos. They make the slog through so horrifically awful. They are, in effect, con artists.

And maybe, to some extent, so are we.

I am way too fucking cynical to think straight right now. Unless a Christmas miracle comes early don't expect to see me near this blog for a long time. It's time to put my ass in gear and get a fucking job. I am applying for/following up on SEVEN job prospects tomorrow. SEVEN. That in addition to the dozens I've applied for over these last few weeks and the 3 or 4 I'll be checking in on over the weekend.

I am sick of looking for a man to take care of me. I have a great hard-working boyfriend who doesn't deserve a lazy cheating whore of a girlfriend. He deserves a bright career gal who makes her dreams (her NON-FINANCIAL) dreams HAPPEN every day and who isn't always taking the easy way out. I want to work, go to school, get my blackbelt, volunteer as a Big Sister. What kind of Big tells her Little about a lifestyle like this, or actively encourages it? Could I look into an 8 year old's perfect little face and say "Yes, that's right, you don't need to pilot the Atlantic solo or cure cancer to have a cool life, you can just get rich men to take care of you"?

No. I will teach myself to fish and feed myself for a lifetime.

Now I have nothing against escorting or sugar dating or whatever anyone wants to do. If I were any more open-minded my brain might fall out. Escorting is a job, and as the old saying goes, a blow job is better than no job. But the bizarre hybrid escorting/sugarbabying/companioning/roleplaying/double-life-ing clusterfuck I had gotten myself into was an unholy marriage of all the worst parts of being, essentially, a sex worker.

I felt guilty for messing around on my blameless boyfriend. I felt sleazy for kissing a man for money. I felt perturbed when I realized that the balance of my lunch with Mr. Sexy was the balance of my bank account. I felt ashamed for leading him on when he texted me asking if we could explore that physical theme further. I felt fear about being alone in the same room as my potential scumbag SD who I had never met. I felt nervous about contracting an STD condoms couldn't protect me against. I feel blank apathy about my "number" going up to 8, or 9, because this type of sex had become just plain work to me. I felt desperation when I didn't know where my next tank of gas was coming from. I felt a black depression seep over me when I realized I had been unemployed for 2 months with nothing to show for it because I've been living off men's money. I would say "men's kindness" but none of that money came from a place of true kindness - it all came with the stipulation that I would give a sexual, rarely seen part of myself back. Stripping would have been less revealing. And more fiscally rewarding, probably.

I thought that having no money was what was making me act like a stressed crazy person these last few weeks - I was so wrong. It was the giving up of control. While relying on SDs, I had little or no control over my life. If I had a job, even if I was just as broke, I know I would be 10X happier, because that would be MY broke, not anybody else's broke. I would own it. I would be responsible for it. I could turn it around any time I wanted by working smarter and harder, by picking up extra shifts and going that extra mile, by showing up early and staying late, or hell just by showing up at all.

Christ, this is turning into a manifesto.

There are lots of SBs out there - the majority, I would say - who do not rely on SDs for their entire livelihood. AND I COMMEND YOU. It's a trap you don't ever want to get yourself into. That's when they become more like tricks and less like a specialty dating niche. After a while the money looks so easy and fast (good lord! I sound like one of those religious pamphlets about turning from your life of sin) but it's not, really, it just feels that way when you're suddenly holding 500 dollars in your hand. At that moment your selective memory kicks in and you only remember the easy parts to getting that 500 dollars - you block out the endless dickshot emails, the creepy guys you actually considered seeing because of their insane bank accounts, the reluctant kisses and awkward hands, the stomach-churning conversations about the nitty-gritty of the arrangement, the endless lying to family and friends and boyfriends, the whiplash-inducing Freudian realization that you are basically fucking your father, for money. All that falls away in the afterglow of "set for life" brought on by those little green men in your hand.

And so even though that may be the hardest won 500 dollars you've ever earned in your life, you will probably piss a significant chunk of it away on completely frivolous material things like that money means nothing to you. Because it's for spoiling yourself. I've been there, I've done it, and I have the closet full of Victoria's Secret to prove it.

Once again, definitely not saying this applies to all SBs. This is just how I felt sometimes and I've co-opted some other girls' comments along the way to support my conclusion. There are plenty of smart, savvy, plan-ahead girls out there who ARE socking away a healthy percentage of their allowances into low-risk Roth IRAs that will make them millionaires by the time they're in their late 40's. But there are just as many who do this hard work (and don't pretend the hunt isn't work) and then blow the reward on eye candy for themselves. Why?

So in conclusion, I'm hanging up the fuck-me boots until further notice. I am disillusioned with the "game"-like aspect of this and I have got too many good things in my life that I've let slide. My energies can definitely be better spent putting my head back on straight, getting my papers (Kat William's term for making a good paycheck at a legit job), graduating from junior college this coming year, turning 21, and heaping love and adoration on my awesome fucking boyfriend and family.

Goodbye for now sugars. May the wind be ever at your back, may the sun shine warmly on your face, may the rain fall softly on your fields. Good night, and good luck.

The money was too good. I got stupid.

2009-10-28T21:06:00.000-07:00

Why oh why (oh why) did I let my instincts fail me?

Sugars, today I chastise myself for making the cardinal amateur sugar mistake - I believed a pot's promises.

The potential SD from my last post - yes, the one who I was so excited about, the one who seemed serious and like an answer to my prayers - emailed me today about 3:30 PM with a one-liner. I'm sorry, I can't make it to dinner tonight. That's it. Jerkface. I couldn't even tell if he was serious or just trying to provoke a domme-like wrath from me on the cheap. I thought back to our previous interaction and I'm pretty sure he did the same thing to me 6 months ago. Either way, even though I know I shouldn't give him the satisfaction, I sent him back a bitchy email about how rude it is to cancel a date with such short notice with no explanation or immediate offer to reschedule. I asked if he had one good reason for me not to write him off as a fraud and a troll.

No response. What a douche. I am seriously plotting revenge on this guy for getting my hopes up by being so serious. Perhaps I will put up his pics here for the world to see, along with our conversation from the other night (oh, that's right, I saved it) and send him the link. These blogs prove that there is a sugarbaby community out there, and if you mess with one of us, you mess with ALL of us. No other sugarbaby should be subject to the extremely rude behavior of this guy, so I am letting you all know, if you see a skinny white bald guy on sugardaddyforme who lives in Northern Virginia, that's him. His email says "John Doe" but he asks you to call him Chris. His handle is something like JD3901 - I'll double-check and post it in the next post if I decide to do a full on expose. However if he gets off on this kind of thing, that might just be more glee for him. Fuck these catch 22s. I hate fakes, frauds, and people who take advantage of other people. I hope this guy doesn't get laid for TWENTY years, much less 2.

Haha I just figured out how to type this little apple on my mac. shift + option + k = 

I am easily amused.

Sometimes sugar falls in your lap.

2009-10-27T17:44:00.000-07:00

So today I made my budget for the month and realized I'm actually really not as broke as I thought.

But then I get an IM from a potential SD I talked to many months ago. He was looking for hardcore domming and we never connected because I told him I honestly wasn't sure if i could provide that kind of companionship. I don't want to mislead anyone - if I can't provide you what you want, I'll send you somewhere else. No point in wasting each other's time.

So today I'm on my yahoo account, selling some furniture on CL, and I get an IM from him.

Now I think most of us SBs can say that when old pots IM us, it can be exhausting. You may or may not remember him, you may or may not feel like huomoring him, you may or may not be of the feeling that he's just trolling, looking for someone to lure with promises of spas and flights and 10,000 dollar allowances while he jerks it in his mother's basement.

So when this guy starts IMing me, I act like any normal SB being contacted out of the blue - I somewhat curtly ask him to remind me who he is and why I should pay attention to him.

We get to talking and he mentions that he would really like to start an arrangement. I mentioned that in my last arrangement I received a 500 dollar gift and nice meal each time we met, as well as occasional shopping trips. He said that was not a problem, as long as it was done in a submissive way. I suggested that when we go shopping he will walk 3 steps behind me, carry my bags, and pay for everything. He said that sounded hot. Ca-ching.

Part of how I know he's serious is because he didn't want to mess around - when I suggested we get together for a meal to get to know each other, he agreed straight away. Fakes always have "busy schedules" and want to spend a million years playing games.

We arranged to go to dinner tomorrow night, and if that goes well, to spend the evening together in a full-on dominant fantasy with orgasm denial. How crazy is my life right now?

Since we were talking a lot about bdsm, I decided to see how serious he was about serving me. I told him I expect him to bring a gift (in addition to money) for me. He asked what I would like, and I told him a bottle of Burberry Brit perfume. Though I know he'll be busy with work, he told me he wouldn't mind taking the time out of his day to pick up a bottle for me. He told me he was very into the idea of submitting to me. He told me he hasn't had sex in 2 years so he would appreciate it if I take the lead.

So that's my day tomorrow. Hopefully by midnight tomorrow I will have 600 dollars (100 from selling my tables on (CL), a bottle of my most coveted perfume, and a new sugardaddy who I can boss around and take advantage of any way I feel like, and who will submissively take me shopping. Ipod touch and Tiffany's bracelet, ahoy!

I'm way more ok with this than I thought I would be - perhaps because I know I'll be the one in control of everything. I thought it would feel like I was cheating on my boyfriend, but because there's no emotional attachment, it feels more like the most awesome job in the world. I'm getting compensated like a lawyer for going to dinner and then making a man beg for release. What the hell could possibly be better?

This is not how I thought the sugar game was supposed to work. I thought you were supposed to go out and hunt for a good SD, not have one fall into your lap at random. Bizarre. I'm already counting my chickens, making lists of the possible things I could spend the money on. If this goes well I might be taking in 2 to 3 K a month plus another K of shopping. Time to start investing instead of just blowing all my cash. I want a few pretty dresses and some heels, and a digital camera, and new tires for my car, but that's it.

Oh yeah. And some Uggs. Haha.

This is why hookers don't kiss on the lips.

2009-10-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

So this past week I was feeling very desperate for cash - I've been unemployed for about 2 months now and it's tough finding work. Although to be honest, I haven't really been trying. I'm enjoying my hedonistic lifestyle too much to work to support/continue it, ironically. Add to this spending 20 to 40 bucks a week for gas to see my boyfriend (who I want to marry! by the way) and it has made for a very stressful fucking month.

So, I text Mr. Nice (who is officially moving to FL for business if you recall) asking for help. No response. Not shocking, but seriously, he got the name "Mr. Nice" for a reason.

I email Mr. Sincere, asking if he'll help me again, as he has in the past. No response.

I email Mr. Sexy, asking him to help me. Bingo! He asks how much I need. I tell him 200 would be ideal but anything he can give me, even 50, will help immensely. He says he feels comfortable giving me (a person he has never met before) 100 + gas money, if I will drive out to DC to meet him. My mama didn't raise no fool, and I immediately agree.

He suggests a sushi place in Chinatown that has really excellent reviews. I arrive about 20 minutes late (I refuse to pay for parking in DC, so I walked/jogged all the way from the Jefferson Memorial free parking lot to Chinatown). The sprinting actually calmed me down significantly - my body was all loosened up from the sudden blood-flow and I didn't really have a chance to wait and get nervous (another sugar mentioned getting "nervous tummy" before sugar dates - I know exactly what you mean!). I got lost looking for it but he kept texting me directions until I found it.

I walk in and it's even nicer than I expected. I'm wearing a turqoise blue striped camisole with a turquoise bra that peeks above it a bit, dark jeans, silver gladiators, and my pleather Target jacket. I feel undressed. He's there in the waiting area, and he's not what I expected. He both does and does not look like his picture. He's quite a bit skinnier than I expected, and his hair is tied back in an 18th century style low ponytail that's quaint and sexy. We embrace and then we follow the waiter upstairs to be seated.

The waiter pulls out the chair for me, but as he passes it he touches it with one hand, and I can tell that he would have wanted to pull it out himself. We chat a bit and it's immediately easy and friendly between us. We peruse the menu and I mention that the seafood potstickers look good but never formally order them. He notices this and orders them for us to share. A consummate gentleman, noting the things I've hinted at. Wonder if the same trick would work in the Tiffany's store?

I get the steak and he gets some kind of sushi roll. We share the potstickers as well as a duck appetizer that came with my favorite Hoisin sauce.

We talk about all kinds of things. Travel, mostly, as we've both been to foreign countries this year. The different attitudes and ways of life in other countries. Our origins, where we were born, what we do for a living, etc. Standard issue gentleman all the way - complimenting me, and not ever talking down to me. I could tell he thought I was smart, and I didn't obfuscate anything about my intelligence - I made fun of myself for licking my chopsticks, calling myself gauche and noting that in Asian cultures it's considered rude. How many 20 year olds use the word "gauche" in their everyday vocabulary?

The meal ends and I am stuffed. All these tiny dishes really add up. He picks up the check. We walk down to the front of the restaurant and out onto the street, where hundreds of people are milling past in either direction. We stand there with my tourist-y map open (I've been to DC many dozens of times, but I still get spatially disoriented when I'm not within site of the Washington Memorial) and he tells me which direction to take to get back to my car (which I need to do on the double - it's a 30 minute walk and the police are crazy strict about the 3 hour time limit). He asks how much it cost me in gas to get here and I say about 25 dollars. He takes an extra 20 from his wallet and puts it in an envelope that already has 100 dollars in it and hands it to me. I thank him sincerely, then we embrace and I kiss his cheek. Mutually, we turn heads and kiss on the mouth, slowly and softly. After a moment he reaches around to try to touch my butt (seriously dude?) and he gives me a little tongue. A little too wet and soft a kiss, actually, but not unpleasant by any means. I had decided in advance that I was cool with kissing him as a thank you for the help he is giving me, so when he went for it, I let him.

I walked away with a smile and walked straight over to the nearest branch of my bank and deposited 110 of it and kept 10 in cash in my wallet for emergencies/mad money/etc.

I texted him thanks and said sorry my breath probably smelled like green onions from my steak, he texted back saying he ate the same food (yep, we ate off each other's plates) and that "the kiss was hot, btw. didn't think you'd be into anything physical. glad to see i was wrong!" and that he really hopes we can "explore that further". I did not respond.

Ladies and gentleman, hook line and sinker, this guy wants to fuck my brains out. So, a matter of economics. How do I extract the most money from him with the least possible unpleasantness?

His income isn't crazy high - in the 150K to 200K range - but it's still enough for me to consider a 1K a month allowance reasonable.

The man paid 120 dollars for a kiss, after all.

Though as I thought about it driving home, I realized that's not the most I've ever received for a date that ended with simply a kiss. Mr. Nice gave me 200 dollars on one of our first encounters for a brief peck on the lips.

Ugh. I love my boyfriend. I am serious when I say I want to marry him. I thought that a kiss would be less repugnant to me than any other physical activity, less guilt-inducing, but I was wrong. I felt gross on the way back from the city, like I had done a bad thing. I needed the money. Does that make it any more or less right? What if I steal a loaf of bread to feed my starving family? What if I let Mr. Sexy do anal, but not vaginal? That's how some porn stars do it, saving certain orifices for their lovers. What if we make out but I never let him touch me below the waist. What if I give him head but don't let him come in my mouth. What if, what if.

The worst part is, Mr. Sexy actually is sexy. He's my type. He's a smart, kind, funny, laid-back, good-looking dude who I clicked with immediately both online and in person. If I weren't so head-over-heels in love with my current BF, if I were single, I would date the hell out him. Not even sugar dating, just regular dating. He's only 33 - only 13 years older than me. 10 years younger than my last SD.

I'm not sure he knows he's on what basically amounts to a sugardaddy site though. His profile text under "what i'm looking for" says:

What I'm NOT looking for is to be your 'one and only'. I don't think life works that way and I don't want you to try to prove me wrong either.

Looking for someone interested in some fun. I'm not hurting financially and I'm more then happy to spread some of it around, as long we both stay on the same page. :)

So I guess I need to email him, thank him again for a lovely time, and ask him exactly what it is he's looking for. I want to play this one carefully though, because he's very big on honesty and sincerity, so if he feels like he's being handled at any time all bets are off.

Haha maybe in that case, the best bet would, NOT to handle him?

I am confused. I am broke. I want to spoil my boyfriend. I need a job. I like Mr. Sexy. Brain on fire. Good night.

Post script - boyfriend acted as a sugardaddy this week. We had been to the mall last weekend and I had tried on this dress at forever 21. It looked phenomenal on me, but I was too broke to afford it (how sad is that? too broke for a 22 dollar dress?). This weekend I show up and he's got it, in my size (small) and color (black), waiting for me. My first official LBD. I know he had to call in favors to get it (he's broke and doesn't have a car) and that made it all the sweeter. I think I'm going to have my shopping slave buy the royal blue version for me as well. It fits like a glove and the cut is beyond perfect for my body. Now I need matching heels for when I wear it to see Mr. Sexy. I am going to hell.

Thanks Chicago!

2009-10-09T20:47:00.001-07:00

Thanks for the awesome shout-outs on your blog. I sincerely appreciate it.

As far as Facebook...I am a huge facebook addict but when it comes to making one with no personal information I feel a little bit inept. Anybody have tips on making it fairly untraceable?

A few updates on the various plates I've got spinning right now...

1) Mr. Nice hasn't texted or called. What's his deal? He texts me, asking about my life, then doesn't respond when I try to set something up? I know he's busy, but come on, it's not hard to spend 30 seconds texting/calling someone. I see rude people doing it all the time.

2) Mr. Sexy sent another email after I didn't respond to his last one. He asked if everything was ok and if it was "time for that spanking" hahaha. I responded with a little banter and then "I've really enjoyed corresponding with you but I need my daddy to take care of me. I want to go out to a concert next weekend but after buying books and paying tuition I have no money for tickets, gas, etc :( I've got my paypal account set up so I was wondering, would you could you maybe help me a little?" He loves the helpless little girl act. So we'll see if he's down for paying for this set-up or if he's just some fake loser.

3) Vlad disappeared off the face of the earth. I sent him a reminder email, and it pinged back to me as undeliverable. Douche.

4) I am close to having an awesome job as a hostess at an upscale French/Italian restaurant! I would make some serious bank at that job, but I would have to work a lot of nights and weekends. Sadface. All the fun jobs take place during the crappiest hours, all the jobs with good hours are stab-myself-in-the-face boring. Is there a happy medium? A fun job with good hours?

5) Haven't been able to connect with Mr. Slave yet. Hopefully I can have him pay my phone bill, then buy me some cute stuff from Wet Seal (how much am I loving that site right now? I used to think Wet Seal sucked but lately they've had some super cute stuff.)

6) 100 bucks basically fell out of the sky this week. I got a refund check from the trip I went on this spring - fuel prices went down in between paying for the trip and going on the trip, so I got 111.00 back. How awesome is that?

7) The bf is my substitute SD for right now. When I'm sleeping over at his dorm he buys all my meals, pays for my movie tickets, surprises me with little gifts and breakfast in bed, and yesterday he gave me 10 bucks for gas. And the sex is the best I've ever had. Awesome-ness.

So that's the upshot of this week. Still need money, just not as desperately as I did before.

Draw from all sides.

2009-10-06T19:53:00.000-07:00

Quick update on the feelers I'm putting out right now (I need some monies babes):

1) Texted Mr. Nice this afternoon, then called him this evening after receiving no answer. He sounded busy but he still had the presence of mind to ask me how my trip was. He told me he had in fact been getting my texts but that he had not had a chance to text me back (wtf? YOU texted ME first). He told me this week was probably not good for him. He told me he might have to move to Florida (for work) for 9 months. Since he sounded like he was in the middle of something I told him he could check his schedule and get back to me. He told me he definitely would. So I'm going to say there's a 75% chance that we'll see each other at least once before he leaves. He's a busy man but he's always made time for me in the past and he was always good for some spoiling and gifts. I'm really pissed he's leaving the state though, I was hoping to get a little more out of our relationship than one last one-time meeting. Who knows - maybe he'll fly me down to the beach?

2) Mr. Sexy sent an email this morning explaining that he'd had some family drama this weekend and asking me if I had gotten my paypal account up and working. I sent him back a long sexy email with pics of me in a swimsuit that he had requested and let him know that he could send money to that same email. He sent one back soon after but no mention of money and no email from paypal saying I have new money in my account. We never set up any kind of deal with allowance or anything - I like the "gift me when you like" thing, and he knows he's supposed to spoil me, but he's taking advantage of it and being a bad daddy. I can tell I've hooked him with this Lolita fantasy by the way he types back, so I'm not worried about losing him. No more pics or long descriptions for him until he comes through with some spending money. That's how this game works.

3) Vlad has disappeared. I sent the last email, he never got back to me. I'm going to send him a follow-up email tonight with a playful "I'm supposed to be the naughty one ;)" theme to it and see if he has any excuses for disappearing. Maybe I can parlay that into some spoiling "to make it up to me."

4) An old SD of mine who I have never met (we'd been writing emails back and forth) but who months ago gave me 750 dollars via paypal. I can't remember if I named him on this blog so I'm going to name him now - Mr. Weird. He's so freaking SINCERE about everything. I recommended him a book the last time we talked and he actually went out and read it!! How insane is that? I'm getting back in contact with him this week - hopefully he'll be down for helping me with some bills, if I ask nicely. I know he has a soft spot for me.

5) Mr. Slave. I don't know if I've talked about it here but I've been a financial dominatrix in the past - and yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. Mr. Slave is a loyal sub of mine who has bought me many things - including the American Apparel t-shirt dress I'm wearing right at this moment, in fact. He's bought me clothes, jewelry, and paid for past of my trip to Asia. I recently got back in touch with him after being out of touch with him for about 4 months, and he's still eager to serve me.

6) Mr. 50 - I keep seeing an ad on CL for a guy who will pay a girl 50 bucks to watch him masturbate. This is something I actually weirdly enjoy doing (it's so fascinating to watch someone do something so private) and it's located right near my boyfriend's college, so it would be really convenient to go do that. He posts weekly, so I think he's legit and looking for someone to do this regularly. I might also sell some panties on CL, if I can get that to work out.

7) Hooray for me, I actually applied to some respectable jobs today! And tomorrow is going to be very intense - I'm going to interview at a slightly upscale French/Italian/American restaurant that's opening soon and looking for servers, hostesses, etc. I really miss the food service industry - the hours can suck, and your bosses can be truly bizarre, but working in a restaurant was the most fun job I have ever had, and if it's a nicer place, you can walk out with serious cash money in your hand THAT NIGHT. Kind of like being a stripper but without the full body waxing.

Although, stripping is something else I've looked into. I'd love to try it, even if it's just one time. And who knows? I have an amazing body (and I'm humble, too) and I bet I could put myself through grad school with it. As long as you don't start turning tricks or taking hard drugs, stripping is a decent job.

So yeah. I need some money (honestly 200 bucks would cover it) and I need it within about the next 10 days to pay that ticket and my cell phone bill. I'm not putting all of my eggs in any one basket this time.

Also.

2009-10-06T01:22:00.000-07:00

I love love love the following media, and these all apply to the SB lifestyle so I'm going to include them here:

1) ShopStyle. A brilliant clothing aggregating site. Want a bandage dress but don't know exactly which one yet? Just type it in the search bar and it will return thousands of easily scrollable thumbnail pics of different dresses which you can then sort by color, price, brand, etc. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Especially if you're like me and you have certain "tastes" - like hobo bags and brightly colored boots.

2) The Savage Love Podcast. Totally fearless sex-positive sex advice from a hilarious and hyper-articulate gay man about every single sexual question under the sun. I am beyond addicted.

That's all for now! Be back later on to report any new sugar happenings.

All talk, no action.

2009-10-05T19:25:00.000-07:00

Mr. Sexy didn't come through with any money for the weekend - not surprising, but disappointing. We'll see if he sends any contact this week. Til then both he and Vlad are on the outs with me for not responding to my emails withing a reasonable amount of time.

So, this week I need to get in contact with Mr. Nice. I have a feeling he's not getting my texts so tomorrow I'm going to call him and see if he wants to go to dinner sometime this week. I need the cash to pay my parking ticket and my phone bill, and I'm dying for a nice (and by that I mean, upscale) meal after a weekend of dorm food with the boyfriend.

I've realized, I am good enough at compartmentalizing things to not be bothered by the idea of having sex with another man. This isn't about love or lust, it's just friendly affection between 2 people who have ways of helping each other out.

So that's my goal for the week. Wish me luck, babes.

Mr. Sexy offered me money...

2009-10-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

...with no strings attached. How crazy is that? In my email to him I mentioned that I'd like to go see Zombieland if I could afford it, and he emailed back asking if I have a paypal account where he could deposit some spending money for the weekend.

I emailed him back but I'm waiting to see if he actually comes through with sending money before I get too excited.

My decision about seeing Mr. Nice has been made for me - I got a 50 dollar parking ticket on Thursday. And seeing as that's about half of my net worth right now, it looks like I'll be hitting Mr. Nice up for some nice cash soon. I'm going to see if I can get him to take me shopping as a kind of penance for not being around to spoil me these past few months. I REALLY want that ipod touch. Let's see if I can get it in the next week. Going to test my sugary wiles...

When it rains...

2009-10-01T10:38:00.000-07:00

How crazy is this, I'm working on my 2 potentials, right? And then today, out of nowhere, after 4 months of not seeing each other or talking, I get a text from my old sugardaddy, Mr. Nice! Asking how I am and how my trip was. Which as we all know is SD talk for "I'm lonely and I'd like to fuck you again please."

I don't really know what to do here. I am having an awesome no-lies-necessary life with my boyfriend, and my potentials are just that, potentials. And having been out of a job the last month, I'm flat broke. That guaranteed 500 dollars from seeing Mr. Nice looks pretty damn good, but I won't feel good about getting it. Unless I can pull out the lawyer thing and do it in a moral vacuum.

So I'm making this into an informal poll among my readera. Do I fuck Mr. Nice so I can eat for another month, or do I live in honest poverty with my lovely boyfriend? Choices, choices.

Another one on the hook...

2009-09-30T14:56:00.000-07:00

Vlad is looking like a good prospect but I don't know if I can meet him this week since I'm spending a big chunk of the weekend with my boyfriend. However, ironically, I won't really have the money to go out this weekend if I don't get some spoiling soon. So, it's kind of a chicken-and-the-egg scenario. Make money first like a sane person or just spend down my account and count on a sugardaddy coming through for me (ha! When has that ever been a good idea) next week?

In any case, I've got a new one on the line. I met him on Established Men and I'll call him Mr. Sexy. He initially was interested in a sexual relationship but once I explained what I was looking for he responded:

That sounds like a lot of fun to me.. and who knows what might happen down the road? Why don't you start off and set the tone and I'll follow your lead. It might make more sense if we move this over to e-mail too. My e-mail is xxx@yahoo.com. You be good sweetie! :)

How awesome is that? I have 2 solid potentials who are actively looking to connect with me. Now we'll see if I can get some spoiling in soon cause I have a party-filled weekend to go to.

A new site, new fantasy, and a new wishlist.

2009-09-29T17:38:00.001-07:00

Hello girls (and boys, if there are any of you lurking around out there).

A new site I'm really liking is Established Men, a sugar website started by a former sugar baby. It's got really excellent design compared to other sites, there's no lag time in between editing your profile and seeing it go up, and unrestricted messaging is totally free. It's still a little smaller in terms of sugar daddies, but I like that - I feel like I'm getting in on the ground floor. I've been contacted by some quality guys on here...I really feel like something good will come out of it.

And now for my new potential, who I will call Vlad...remember how I'm looking for a sexy-but-not-sexual relationship with an older guy who likes to spoil? IE, money and fun domination with no sex? I may have found him. Read on.

Vlad placed a CL ad looking for a particular type of relationship. I emailed him telling him what I was looking for, and he emailed back:

Hi,

Thank you for the desription, and you seem great so far. Yes, I'm not looking for a sex relationship, just one based on teasing and fantasy. I'm white, late 30's, very fit, blue eyes, Married, and I also live in [my county]...[a town about 20 minutes from mine]. I think we could definitely help eachother out. I'll be online a bit later this evening. Thank you for the response

So then I said

What kind of teasing/fantasy are you looking for? I have a few ideas in mind for what I'm looking for but I'd love to hear your suggestions.

And he replied

Good timing, and I never heard back from you...at least for 5 days! Why don't you tell me what's on your mind? I had some pretty bad luck with the ad so far, hopefully this will be different!

So I told him

Sorry for the delay, I was having some computer problems with my beloved Mac. Well, I had in mind a few different ideas. Part of me would love to roleplay a spoiled Lolita-esque girl who takes advantage of her father-figure's adoration, while teasing him with pictures and descriptions of the naughty fun she's been having, and perhaps (occasionally, discretely) going shopping together. You treat me like a princess, I keep you pleasantly frustrated.

I would also be interested in a light dom/sub relationship (I'm the dominant one, you're the sub...or maybe we switch?)

Just some thoughts, let me know what sounds good or lines up with what you're looking for.

And theeeeen....

I love your scenarios and it is as if you read my mind..Lolita-Father figure and pleasantly frustrated...wow, I love your idea. I'd love to chat with you on details and make this begin to happen sooner than later.

Thank you again.

YAY. I'm not getting my hopes up yet but he's obvi very on board with my idea. The real question now is, how do we go about making this fantasy concrete? So far my ideas include shopping trips (with me all dolled up, teasing him and manipulating him into buying things for me), him sending me money to go out with my friends and boyfriend (maybe some cuckolding?), me sending him emails with photos and descriptions of how I had fun (without him) over the weekend, etc.

Quick wishlist:

1) New phone! Mine sucks. It's more than 2 years old now. I want something shiny.
2) A digital camera! I've wanted one of these soooo bad for so long. Documentation or it didn't happen.
3) An ipod touch. They rock.
4) Some cash in my emergency fund.
5) A trip to the salon to get my hair relaxed and blown out.
6) A vibrator (I've never owned one)
7) A collection of Burberry perfumes.
8) That Tiffany's bracelet I've been crazy about for years.
9) Some new clothes and a sweet pair of boots for winter.
10) My teeth whitened professionally.

Sugarbabies, I implore you. If you can think of any ideas for how to make this fantasy come alive, please let me know.

I'm back!

2009-09-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

"I look around, I see a lot of new faces."

*giggles*

"Shut up! Which means a lot of you have been breaking the first two rules..."

(paraphrasing Fight Club...)

Hey sugars - I am back with a vengeance after a long (and much needed) break from the sugar doublelifestyle. Here's a quick rundown on what happened in the interim...

1) Went on my trip to the other side of the world.

2) Met a cute boy.

3) Left the long-time BF for that cute boy.

Alas, when I came back from the trip Mr. Nice wasn't picking up his texts from me any more. Guess he turned into Mr. Grumpy while I was away.

Whatever, girls. The thrill of sugar dating is that new money is always being made. I'm begininning to look around again now, only I'm changing the whole direction of my sugar lifestyle. Hold onto your socks cause they're going to get blown off by what I say next.

I'm no longer looking for a sex/money trade-off (come on, we can all be adults and admit that those are the 2 key components to the "traditional" sugar relationship, no matter how nicely you couch it). I am being 100 percent faithful to my current BF - he's too good to mess up - but I need money to pay for college, so I am coming back into the community in search of a friend, benefactor, patron, mentor, etc, etc, who will fund my college lifestyle without expecting sex in return. I am looking to exploit someone's "rich daddy/spoiled daughter" fetish or even possibly go for a light dominant/submissive theme.

Too much to hope for? I don't think so. There's one born every minute, as PT Barnum said, and the thrill is most definitely in the hunt.

PS - Yes, I can tell I'm becoming more jaded as time goes on. We can't be doe-eyed freshman forever, can we?

How to Juggle (a BF and and SD)

2009-05-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

I've had a few ladies commenting on the difficulties which ensure when a girl attempts to have her cake and eat it too. Is it possible to juggle a sugar daddy and a boyfriend simultaneously? Absolutely, and I can tell you because I've been doing it successfully for the last 2 months. Here are a few tips and tricks I've worked out so far, but obviously YMMV. The cardinal rule for juggling is the same as in boxing - Always Protect Yourself.

1) Decide early who will know about who. In most cases, your boyfriend will remain in the dark, while your SD is aware of the entire situation. Since the SD is often married or, if divorced, has likely cheated on his wife in the past, he'll be a lot more understanding than your BF will be. If he needs a little ego stroke, tell him your boyfriend just isn't doing it for you any more in bed, and that you still have some wild oats to sow. This also works in the case of case of the man with reservations about getting involved with a taken woman. Men love playing the protector, so if you need to get your way, allowing them to "rescue" you provides them the perfect moral justification. Older men, especially, love hearing that they're beating out a younger, fitter guy for your sexual attention.

2) Create an alibi you can stick with. I needed one that would get me 3-4 hours of private time, once per week, while accounting for some of that extra cash in my pocket afterward. I created a "position" for myself as the "personal assistant" to my SD. I went the whole nine yards with it - I posted a craigslist ad for the job and created an email address to write to myself with, I printed out and filled out a contract of employment for myself, I wear work clothes if I know I'm going to come home after my boyfriend, etc. If you have a less anxious boyfriend than I do, you can probably just come up with whatever reason you feel like giving. Keep in mind, it's dangerous to say "I'm working late" if you work some place where he can call or drop by. Your alibi also needs to allow you time during which you won't be answering the phone - if you say "I'm going out to the mall," he may wonder what kind of shopping prevents you from picking up your cell for hours at a time. That's why I went with part-time job - our need for money makes it easier for him to believe and respect that than any other explanation I could think of.

3) Yes, there will be some deception involved. Do a gut-check and make sure you're really, truly ok with the occasional fib. This level of comfort will vary according to how serious your relationship is, how long you expect it to last, how much you need money, how much you like/dislike/love your SD, how independent you are, etc.

4) Cover yourself at all times. There's an old saying about how everyone likes sausage, but no one wants to see how it's made. Well, it's the same with your boyfriend enjoying the lifestyle allowed by your sugardaddy. Take precautions to protect everyone involved. Delete incriminating texts as soon as you've read and responded. Keep your phone on silent when either of them will be near you, in case the other one calls/texts. Check yourself for smells, smeared makeup, and rumpled clothes when coming from one man to another.

5) Give both men all your energy when you are with them. They both deserve your full, undivided attention.

Whoops, I'm getting lazy.

2009-04-28T08:14:00.001-07:00

Sorry ladies, I know I haven't been updating as often as I should.

Saw Mr. Nice Tuesday of last week. Had a quick lunch at a tex-mex place and a very nice conversation. He told me that I was the best part of his day, and I blushed. The hotel we went to this time was not nearly as nice as the last one, very 70's and dated, and he apologized over and over for it. His insecurities are so adorable to me - I didn't care, I just wanted to be with him. The sex was great, again. There were times when I wanted to please him, but he wouldn't let me - he told me he got his pleasure from pleasing me, from seeing my face. That was a serious turn-on. We watched some History Channel together, talking and snuggling. That was really, really nice - just to cuddle and have some private-talk time to chat about our families, our jobs, our lives. He told me that he thought that in the near future he would feel comfortable with giving me the whole amount up front each month. I went straight away and bought my rent with the gift he gave me.

Since then we haven't spoken much - he might be traveling, I'm not sure, but I know one of the things he values about our relationship is that we each have our own space, and since I'm having my period this week I'm fine if we have a little time apart.

Yes, I do have a boyfriend as well as a sugardaddy. My SD knows about my BF, but my BF does not know about my SD. It is possible, and it is very satisfying, but you have to be very smart and careful and tactful.

A little sugar anectdote: I was having a really incredibly stressful day yesterday, and I had the thought "God, I wish I could see Mr. Nice." You know, because the good sex and good conversations and awesome backrubs he gives would mellow me out considerably. And I realized, wow, this must be how he feels all the time. He has a very stressful job - he's the boss, so people are always coming to him with problems, and when someone needs to be let go, he has to deal with that drama. So the moral is, sugarbabies, be kind to your daddies. You might be the best part of his day.

Quick update.

2009-04-17T16:16:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't updated in a little while. Mr. Nice is traveling on business this week so we've planned to meet this coming Tuesday afternoon.

In other news, my beautiful VS linen pants came today, but alas I wasn't here to sign for the package, so I'll have to hope I'll be home Monday after 5 to get it.

Happy friday night sugars! I'm spending it eating veggie pizza with my bf and some friends, then catching up on the rest of the sugar blogs I read.

Spending, compliments of Mr. Nice.

2009-04-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update...

Saturday night I went out with friends for an awesome dinner and was able to buy the exact dish I wanted, plus the best dessert ever (rum flavored zabaglione with the freshest blue/blackberries I've ever had), plus leave a 50% tip. All thanks to Mr. Nice's generosity.

Today I did quite a bit of shopping courtesy of Mr. Nice. First I went to the bank and deposited 400 of the 500 he gave me (will be paying bills with that) and then with what was left of the other 100 I went to the store and spent about 25 dollars on food for dinner (including some excellent quality steak) and a few things I needed around the apartment - boring but necessary things like dishwashing detergent and new scouring pads. Also bought some triple chocolate frozen yogurt - my favorite healthy dessert. As a bit of a treat I also bought a big bottle of that V8 fruit fusion stuff - that stuff is amazing and super healthy: a full serving of fruits and veggies in each serving. Also used some of the cash to fill my gas tank and buy lunch at work today.

Then when I got home I got out my VS gift card, went online, and bought those chocolate-brown linen pants from the Victoria's Secret website. They're having an awesome "25% off one item" sale so if you have, I dunno, a 100 dollar purse you've been dying for, go grab it for 75 dollars today. Should be here by 4/27/09, hooray!

I could get used to this lifestyle - suddenly having extra hundreds of dollars to throw around - but I'm trying not to let myself become accustomed. There is no greater danger to me now than overcontentment, especially as my arrangement has only just barely begun. As W. Somerset Maugham (the genius who wrote the novel The Painted Veil, the filmed version of which still resonates in me now, months after seeing it) wrote:

"If a nation values anything more than freedom,
it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is
that if it is comfort or money that it values more,
it will lose that, too.

The Retin A is awesome. My skin is very very clear except for a few minor break-outs along my jawline, and it's incredibly soft and almost eeriely smooth. The few bits of hyperpigmentation I had left over are slowly fading. I kind of thought the "overall improvement in skin tone and texture" was just vague marketing BS, but seriously, it's the kind of thing you will notice changing immediately. I started off with a relatively low concentration (0.05%) but it's almost too gentle for me. I thought I would be cautious and go for the lower dose, since even 0.01% causes some people very severe burning and flaking. My skin is much hardier than I anticipated - next time I'm going up to 0.1%.

My dearest Chicago - I met Mr. Nice via Seeking Arrangement. Just goes to show you, not all the guys listed as millionaires with no pics are fakes!

Jezebel has done a few articles about the sugar lifestyle, but I think it's the comment sections that actually reveal the most about people's ill-conceived notions. Some day this week when I have less to do I'm going to go through all the assumptions and derisive statements about sugar dating and set the record straight.

Pics or it didn't happen.

2009-04-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

The white swimsuit. I think I'm going to return this, or at least the bottom half. I wear a size small on the bottoms and a medium up top, but I accidentally grabbed a medium bottom. I looove white swimsuits and I think, considering I'm always semi-tan and then get really dark bronze over the summer, that I could pull one off. But the top part of this fits a little weird - doesn't give my 34C's enough support and tends to create a uniboob look. Maybe I should exchange them both for smalls and see if that helps.

Some of the shirts I bought...they are sooo thin and soft. I'm thinking about buying myself one of the nighties in this material.

Sorry about the weird gang sign I appear to be flashing, but this was the best pic I got. New bathrobe - I love how it looks like a 50's house dress.

Me actually wearing one of my new shirts.

Toiletries. I have been wanting that 18 dollar lip plumper FOREVER. I am absolutely crazy about perfumes, but now that I'm doing a lot of athletics, the heaviest I can go is usually a body spray. Anything else feels too heavy.

I also took a pic of the cash and the giftcard, but I feel like that would be crossing the line of tackiness. Isn't it strange that we, as a society, feel completely at home with conspicuous consumption but still feel awkward talking about actual money?

What a freaking Good Friday!

2009-04-10T15:26:00.000-07:00

Attentions readers: today's blog post contains subject matter of an EXTREMELY adult persuasion. If you are Amish, this may be TMI. Don't say I didn't warn you.

First real sugar date today!!! And it was completely awesome. I'll try to give the nittiest, grittiest, sexiest blow-by-blow that I can muster, but I am exhausted. Pictures will come later.

1:12 PM: I pull into the parking lot for the restaurant we're meeting at. Late again...he's used to waiting for me. I'm wearing business-y clothes - nice black pants with a cuff, white tank with tight cropped black blazer over it, multi-strand white necklace, white headband. I walk in and meet him, and we sit down for lunch. I already made myself asparagus and salmon at about 11 AM, so I was def. not hungry. I got wings anyway, so I could take them home. He got a salad - he's trying to lose his little belly. We chat about the stuff that's happened since we last saw each other - I tell him about trying out a jiujitsu class (which was completely awesome, btw), he tells me about how cool Nashville was last week.

2:15 PM: We walk over to Victoria's Secret. He offers to carry my wings. He awkwardly follows me around for a few minutes before deciding he'll head out to the bank for a few minutes to give me some time to shop. I pick up a bunch of body sprays, lip plumper, So Sexy conditioner, So Sexy hair gloss serum a bunch of tanks and t shirts made of beautiful tissue-thin material, a hoodie, a white swimsuit, a cute white bathrobe, an adorable little white coin purse with black french writing on it, and a port red nighty. He picks up the tab - just under 400 dollars in merchandise. He pays with his black card.

3:05 PM: We head out of Victoria's Secret. He wants to sit down and talk for a bit at an outdoor cafe, I say fine. He tells me he's a little worried about just handing me 2000 dollars this early in our relationship - he's worried I might disappear. I say I understand and want to put him at ease, so if he wants to break it up week by week that's fine with me. It'll help me budget it a lot better too (not sure how responsible I'd be with a big lump sum). I trust and like him, which helps our negotiations. Between lunch, shopping, a hotel room, and 1/4 of my allowance, he's spending over 1,200 dollars today, so he wants to be quite sure of his investment. He's obviously nervous, and so am I - our impending sex is the elephant in the proverbial room. But shopping has proved an excellent aphrodiasiac, so this part doesn't last too long.

3:20: We head into the hotel. It's EXTREMELY nice - big fountain in the atrium, avant-garde furniture everywhere. He checks us in and I think that the stunnginly beautiful Korean girl (named Melanie?) at the front desk knows what's going on but is waaaay too polite to say/imply anything. When it comes time to ask how long he needs it, she asks "Just for today?" which I thought was extremely tactful of her. We head up to the tenth floor and walk in - at this point I start to get a little nervous, it's all becoming real so fast. We walk in and I put down my stuff, and he takes off his jacket. He jokingly suggests that maybe I could show him some of the stuff I bought at Victoria's Secret. I go into the bathroom and take off my outer clothes, but I don't change - I'm already wearing sexy turquoise panties and bra. I put on the white robe, check my hair, and walk out. He's laying on the tall queen-size bed with jacket and shoes off, casually watching some of Law and Order: SVU (a show I happen to love) while he waits for me. He says the robe is cute, and he sincerely means it. I do a little dance, opening and closing the robe to reveal my body underneath, then climb up on the bed next to him. We knock away some of the excess decorative pillows, then begin to kiss. It's not as soulless and awful as I thought it would be in all my imaginings - in fact, it's quite pleasant. I had imagined it would either be horrific or absolutely tedius - me waiting around while he pounds away, waiting for him to finish - but it is neither.

While kissing him, I'm reminded of my friend, let's call him Tom, who has been my confidante and fuckbuddy for years now. When I kiss and touch Tom, I don't feel sparks or romance, but I do feel a happy warmth, and I always enjoy our time together, even though I do not love him and probably never will. Tom made me realize that sexual compatibility does mean you have to love someone.

He takes a long time to begin, carressing me, french-kissing me, telling me I have beautiful skin and rock-hard abs. I'm touching him back the whole time, and he starts to (dare I say it?) use his hands on me. I'm excited already, from all the anticipation, and he completely enjoys exploring me. I take off his shirt and his pants, and get a feel for him. He's not long, but he is impressively thick. I imagine him as a young stallion back in the day - his tummy makes it seems shorter than it really is.

He's very vocal (which is something I LOVE in a partner), asking me what I like, how I like it, what I want, etc. I go down on him for a while (my personal favorite thing to do, and kind of my forte if I do say so myself), and he loves it, calling me "baby" the whole time and saying how good it feels. He asks me to stop so he doesn't finish too soon. He brought condoms with him (so did I - just in case) - "Lady's Pleasure". He asks me to put it on, then I get on top.

I enjoyed myself immensely - I even had my first real orgasm (I realized I've been unconsciously faking for years!). I could tell because I literally lost control for a few seconds - I couldn't help how loud I was, or how I was moving my hips. It was amazing. I couldn't do it again the rest of the time, so I faked a few, but damn...a real orgasm. It only took me 4 years as a sexually active person to acheive.

He lasted a long, long time, which he later told me was because of the condom. We changed position a few times, but I have much more energy at 20 than he does at 43, so most of the time I stayed on top. He encourages me, and tells me not to be ashamed when I get excited and automatically put up my hand to hide my face.

He brought towels and we cleaned up, then cuddled and talked. After a few minutes I slowly started putting my clothes back on, and so did he. We head down to the Panera that's installed on the bottom level, and he bought us a couple of lemonades, as we were both quite parched.

He walked me to my car and we kissed as we parted ways. He said I was still a mystery to him. When he was gone, I went back to the Victoria's secret and exchanged the hoodie and the nightie for a gift card - the linen pants I so desperately wanted weren't there, and I wasn't in love with the nightie or hoodie, so I returned them so I can purchase the pants online.

Then I drove home, completely sexually satisfied, with a delicious doggybagged lunch, 500 cash, 300 dollars of Victoria's Secret loot, and a VS giftcard for about 120 dollars. I wasn't at all upset that I didn't get the whole 2K today - in fact I left very content. All in all, a lovely afternoon, and one I would be more than happy to repeat.

Now to get online and spend that giftcard...

Sugar for sugar.

2009-04-10T07:01:00.000-07:00

Mr. Nice replied favorably to the text I sent him. We had planned to meet Thursday afternoon, but I had to cancel due to a meeting at work I couldn't get out of. So we've rescheduled for today at 1 PM.

The plan is lunch (his treat, as usual), then shopping at Victoria's Secret (I'm expecting to spend between 2 and 500 dollars - I'll make sure to detail the stuff I get and I'll try to post pictures), then, if he hands over my allowance (I'd prefer bank transfer, but I'm cool with cash if it's easier for him), we'll retire to the local upscale hotel. All of these places are within walking distance of each other, so it should go along pretty quick. I'd love to be done by 4 (that would mean one hour each for lunch, shopping, and hotel) but I know it'll probably be more like 4:30 or 5 before all is said and done.

Assuming all goes well, in 4 hours, I'll make more money than I would in 2 months of my normal job, and I'll come home with a new wardobe and full set of chi-chi toiletries. I love America.

In other news, I've been eating super healthy - fresh asparagus and salmon for dinner the last few nights. For snacks I've been having bowls of mixed veggies - peas and corn with a small bit of butter....yum. I am absolutely crazy about vegetables - been thinking about doing a vegetables/fruits/grains/fish diet to get my body to that bikini-perfect stage for the summer. Also, I've been consistently using my Retin A and sunscreen, and my skin is looking more even.

I'll update later on today when I get home from my day and let all you sugar babes know what happened and how it all turned out.

What's good for the goose...

2009-04-08T11:42:00.000-07:00

Texting Mr. Nice with a sexily-veiled ultimatum.

"So for tomorrow I'm thinking Clyde's and then Victoria's Secret. If we've got the allowance issue worked out by tomorrow we could continue at the Hyatt."

Thanks all for your support of me and my blog - it's so easy to undersell yourself unless you have cheerleaders in your corner reminding you that sugar is a 2-way street.

Time for some coffee while I wait for him to text back.

Right answer.

2009-04-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

The Retin A is awesome. I'm only on my third day but my skin is so much smoother and clearer. Plus I haven't had any peeling/flaking/redness at all yet, which I've been very thankful for.

A very good text came back from Mr. Nice last night in response to the make-or-break condom question: "Yes, of course. That's no problem."

I was extremely relieved. So I texted back: "Well in that case, I'm ok if you're ok."

Mr. Nice: "Then it sounds like we r both ok haha sorry if I'm making this awkward."

So we text back and forth a bit more and he suggests we meet Thursday at 1 pm for lunch, and mentions (again) that we can go shopping. He suggested this last time but I was pressed for time and wasn't sure how I was going to shop without it being boring for him, so we went straight to the movie, but I have a feeling he'd really like to take me shopping. This time I replied "Thanks, that might be fun."

So it looks like dining, shopping, and a first chance at intimacy on Thursday afternoon. There's a Victoria's Secret near where we'll be seeing each other - that seems like a place where I could easily spend a few minutes and a few hundred dollars. plus I could find something to put on a little later that day that would probably up my confidence a few points.

However, I haven't seen the money come into my account yet. Is it OK to sleep with him for 200 dollars plus a few hundred in shopping (equal to approximately 1/4 of my monthly allowance)? Or should I hold out until I see the full allowance in my account?

The moment of truth.

2009-04-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

Phew, as anonymous said in her comment on my last update, I was preparing myself for the worst. I've heard many tales of sugar daddies, even qualified and nice guys, suddenly disappearing. I was getting ready, both financially and emotionally, to be ignored.

Didn't get a response back from my confrontational email. Today at around 4:30 PM Mr. Nice texts me: "Hi how does Thursday work for you? My schedule is too full to do any earlier."

I text back: "Thursday could work. Did you get my email?"

He texts: "Yes but you didn't say how much you wanted"

Eugh. We already had this convo on our second meeting. Must we rehash it?

I text: "On my SA profile I had it as 2k. Is that ok for you?"

Loooooooooooooong pause.

He texts back: "That could work as long as you want to be more than friends."

Huh. Well, this is the moment of truth. I know there are no free rides, and that there are very few sugar daddies out there who will spend 2000+ each month on a celibate relationship. I'm not incredibly attracted to this guy, but at the same time, he's not horrendous looking. Can I tolerate, or maybe even learn to enjoy, sex with a paunchy white man who is 24 years my senior? Like I said before, I've faked my share of orgasms, and I don't mind doing it again (at least, until I get used to having sex with him enough that I can start to enjoy it) but I've never had an older lover. I'm used to slender young guys who have constant, easy erections and who like to go multiple times. I consider myself sexually liberated, but I don't know how well I'll emotionally handle this.

BUT....I need the money, at least for the next couple of months. While I'm traveling next month, I won't be working, but I'll still need to pay the next months rent and bills. So, maybe what I need is a short-term arrangement.

So, I'm texting him back tonight. "I do, as long as you're ok with using a condom."

Ok, we'll see what comes back.

First day of Retin A!

2009-04-04T13:28:00.001-07:00

My Retin A arrived today! 25 days after I mailed the order for it. It came in the cutest little brown box, covered with stickers in Spanish - tied with string around it, even. I completely love Medmex now, just be sure to order with a money order, NOT your credit card (people have problems with getting their credit card numbers stolen from them, so use a secure method).

Just washed my face, dried it thouroughly, and put on a pea-size dab on my face, neck, and chest. It's probably just a placebo effect, but I already think my skin looks better.

No contact back yet from Mr. Nice, but I know he's going to be super-busy all through the end of this week.

Sometimes you just have to suck it up and ASK for what you want.

2009-04-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

Got tired of waiting. Decided to just come right out and email Mr. Nice about my allowance.

Hey [Mr. Nice] -

Hope your weekend is going well - I look forward to seeing you next week :) Hope you're not too exhausted from so much traveling. Are we ok on the money issue? I'm not hurting for it, but if there's a problem I'd be a lot more comfortable discussing it via email than in person.

- [Sugar Kitten]

I want to be as honest and upfront with him as possible - this won't be a good arrangement if we don't feel comfortable asking for what we want. We'll see what comes back.

Awkward moment.

2009-04-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

So, after that last email, Mr. Nice texted me and asked when would be a good time to call me so he could "run a couple things by me." I assume he means stuff about my allowance. Unfortunately this week was crazy for me - working 9 hour days, plus all the other stuff I do. I told him not until at least Wednesday. I'm figuring we're going to see each other Friday (today) if at all.

Days pass. Allowance doesn't show up in my account. I'm not hurting for it, but it sure would make things easier (the catchphrase of the sugar baby, amirite?) We exchange a couple of pleasant texts about his travel for this week.

Then yesterday, he texts me asking if we can meet Monday or Tuesday of next week. I say sure, and he can let me know which day is best for him since my work schedule is so flexible.

Now I'm wondering what to do about my monthly allowance. He seemed quite ready to "get it out of the way" in his last few emails - he knows it's something I don't like talking about. I have a feeling he's going to want to talk about it on our next date....ugh. I'm so passive-aggressive, I would much rather text/email about it. It's not that I'm scared he's not good for it - I've seen the bills inside his wallet, I've seen his nicely-tailored suits, and he's given me some excellent financial advice about the difference between a 401k and a Roth IRA. He's a good guy, and he's proved himself very trustworthy over the last 3 dates. I just wish it were done and out of the way.

Well in any case, there will definitely not be any intimacy on this next date the way I was planning. Until I see some serious sugar from him, he's not going to be shoplifting any pootie. Maybe he can take me shopping this time instead- I might be able to nab that oval-charm Tiffany's bracelet I've been worshipping from afar. I like him, but I'm not interested in getting freaky until he's made me comfortable.

Until next week dear readers!

Today's emails

2009-03-26T19:33:00.000-07:00

I log in to my email account today and see Mr. Nice emailed me:

Hi [Sugar Kitten],

I had a nice time yesterday, you are really fun to be around. Hope I didn't bore you too much with all the financial talk. Did you enjoy yourself? I still don't have a phone as my charger is in the mail so I am out of contact otherwise I would send you a text. It feels weird not to have a phone.....that movie was a bit disjointed but fun to watch in any event, entertaining.

Let me know your thoughts on the whole money issue. It is tough to talk about but we do need to cross that bridge. I just would rather have an agreement (not arrangement haha) so we don't have to bring it up again.

How is your day going? Hope it is going well, this weather really sucks. Well talk to you soon. Take care

I just sent him this back:

Hi [Mr. Nice] -

I spent the day thinking about whether I should text you, but I decided I'd email you instead. Then I log in and you've beat me to it! Yes, I definitely did enjoy myself - I like hanging out with you, and shockingly, I actually do really appreciate your financial advice. Did I mention that Monopoly was my favorite board game growing up?

Sorry about your cell - I know how naked I feel on days when I forget my phone somewhere - it's like misplacing my alarm clock, watch, camera, computer, and phone all at once.

Duplicity wasn't bad, but it was thoroughly incomprehensible in spots. Maybe next time I will pick the rom-com :)

I agree about the agreement (haha) - I'd prefer to set it so that it simply happened at the beginning of each month so we wouldn't have to talk about it. I really appreciate you bringing it up though - I feel a little more comfortable talking about it now than I did at first.

I think the best thing, in terms of discretion, tact, and safety (and my personal comfort level) would be a wire transfer from your bank account to mine. Then I wouldn't have to handle/deposit anything. According to my infallible source, Google, you'd need my name, my bank's name, my account number, and my routing number.

[Sugar Kitten]
XY&Z
routing number: xxxxxxxx
account number: xxxxxxxx

Some nice person at your bank would probably be glad to help you, and I think there's a form you fill out. Maybe you can even make it automatic, I'm really not sure as all of my knowledge is theoretical, but I imagine there might be ways to do it.

Or if this turns out way too complicated, you can always just give me a check. That would be ok too.

Let me know how it all works out, if you need any more information, etc. It really was nice hanging out with you, and I appreciated the gift - I had the luxury of filling my gas tank all the way up today :)

Be safe,
[Sugar Kitten]

FYI - Yes, it is safe to have money wired to you. Bank-to-bank wire transfer is considered the safest payment method, both nationally and internationally. Both people must have proven identities, plus they use all kinds of encryption. The bank account number I sent Mr. Nice is not my primary account, either - it's a spare account which I only occasionally use to set aside money (ie - it usually has nothing in it). Always be safe, sugars.

Take a chance on me...

2009-03-26T03:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday went out with Mr. Nice. Had lunch, which was nice but a little bit of that haven't-seen-each-other-in-a-while awkwardness. He bought me the baby back ribs and a coffee. He told me about Vegas and we talked about the weather there (temperate) as opposed to here (constantly overcast and still chilly). We talked about pensions and 401Ks. We talked about the financial portion of the arrangement, and I said I would prefer a direct bank transfer. He said that was fine, he just hadn't been sure I would be comfortable with giving him that much personal info (my full real name, etc). Then he offered to go shopping with me, but I didn't want to miss any of the previews (haha yes, I am that person who likes trailers more than the actual movies), so we went straight over to the movie theater. He bought us 2 tickets for Duplicity and we went in.

The first half of the movie was strange - I was wearing a miniskirt and resting my feet on the seat in front of me, and I could tell he wanted to touch my legs by the way he kept finding excuses to brush his hand against my thigh. He kept commenting on what great shape I'm in. The arms between the seats didn't go up, so he couldn't put his arm around me. Then I got up to go to the bathroom and I thought "When I come back from the bathroom, I'm going to go for it," and apparently he had the same thought because as soon as I sat back down he reached across and held my left hand with his left hand. I had my legs up so our hands were kind of resting on my upper thigh. We held hands throughout the rest of the film - another hour or so.

After the movie he walked me to my car and we hugged, as usual, then we sort of did the side-of-the-mouth kiss twice. He asked "Can I get a real kiss?" and I laughed and said "Sure," and we kissed for a long moment. It wasn't as gross as I thought it would be, kissing a man 23 years my senior. He asked me if I wanted any money just then, and though I thought he was being a bit indelicate by asking that way, I said that if he wanted to give me some gas money I wouldn't mind. He pulled 2 hundred dollar bills out of his wallet and handed them to me. He told me he wouldn't be around til Friday of next week, and I said OK. He shut the door for me and I drove away.

So, that was my first date with Mr. Nice. We'll see what happens when I email him with my info.

Going on a date-date for the first time today.

2009-03-25T08:44:00.000-07:00

Today Mr. Nice and I will be spending the afternoon dining and seeing a movie (just like a real couple!) We're going to have a nice long lunch at one of my favorite restaurants and then walk over the multiplex nearby and see Duplicity (Clive Owen and Julia Roberts? Hell yes!)

If we have any extra time I might walk him past the perfume store and see what his reaction is...I'm still very tentative about all this because we only kind of sort of discussed the arrangement the last time we met, so I'm being cautious and still regarding him as a "potential". But he said that this week we'd discuss the arrangement, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything works out. I'll let you guys know how it all went tonight.

Someone asked on my last entry why we didn't do lunch, then shopping, then dinner. In theory that sounds excellent, but our schedules won't allow it. He isn't available until nearly 2, and I have to leave by 6. We'd have to rush around too much to do all of that in a 4 hour time frame. I feel like lunch and movie is a pretty nice compromise though. Now off to shower and do my hair :)

AND Lost is on tonight! I have a feeling today will be a good day.

The phone call!

2009-03-24T11:51:00.000-07:00

Mr. Nice just called me. I didn't pick up til too late so I immediately called him back. My heart was pounding so hard as it rang. He just asked me how my life was, I told him I was cooking some asian noodles I picked up recently. I asked him how Vegas was, he said it was great and that he actually managed to come back with more money than he left with, which is quite a feat. We talked a bit about what we wanted to do tomorrow - he reiterated that anything I wanted to do would be fine.

Hmm...what to do, what to do.

My Healthy Ego vs My Sugarbaby Id

2009-03-23T15:04:00.000-07:00

To preface this I have to say: I'm one of those people who hates talking on the phone. I hate not knowing the faces people are making while I talk to them. I vastly prefer texting.

So today Mr. Nice texts me back: Yes I will be around all week let me check my schedule and get back to you. What are u thinking u want to do?

I didn't respond immediately, because I really had to sit back and think it over. What sort of date should I tell my SD I'd like? I mean, what I REALLY would like to do would be simply to see a movie together and then discuss it over a really tasty coffee. I'm low-maintenance like that.

But the SB side of me wasn't satisfied with that. My inner sugarbaby is kind of like my id - instinctive, impulsive, and self-protective. My inner SB isn't greedy like a child - she's cautious like an animal that remembers bone-deep hunger. My id tells me I should ask him to take me shopping now, while he is still actively trying to impress me, because in the future he will become lazy and complacent and want only sex. My id has a keen memory and thus often assumes the worst.

I texted him back that I would be interested in shopping, dining, or seeing a movie, or possibly some combo of the three, but that I believed it was his turn to choose.

He texted back hours later: All three sound like options. Is there a time I could call you today?

Ugh...back to my hatred of the phone. I told a little white lie and said I was busy all day because I wasn't feeling prepared to speak to him on the phone just then. I need some time to prepare myself, mentally. Plus, in case he's calling to set up the actual literal financial terms of the arrangement, there's some info I need to gather first (the number of my spare bank account where he'll wire my allowance, that sort of thing). There are so many ways in which I wish to impress him. I hope he feels the same about me.

So, we'll be speaking on the phone sometime tomorrow. When that happens I'll recap for you.

What I'd really like to do on our date is a compromise between my ego and my id - I'd like to go shopping for the Tiffany bracelet I've been salivating over forever, and then afterwards we'd catch a movie and some good strong coffee. That would be my ideal date. Now I'm off to figure out how to psychically beam the idea for this date into Mr. Nice's brain...

Beating the house.

2009-03-22T19:44:00.000-07:00

Mr. Nice texted me this morning while I was at work. He's back from his Vegas trip. He sent me a quick little text that said "Back home. Made some money!"

He is so cute. I can tell he really wants this to function like a low-stress version of a gf/bf situation. It took me at least 30 minutes to respond to his text, even though I read it right away. I kept on revising it because I kept thinking of more stuff to say. Finally I sent him "Haha you'll have to show me your strategy someday. I'm at work and it's slooow. Will you be around Tues/Wed?"

I'm a little nervous that he hasn't texted back all day. I know he's probably just decompressing from the flights and the crazy mini-vacation he just took...actually, on second thought, he's probably responding to the hundreds of emails that built up while he was taking some brief time off to have fun. He's a crazy hard worker like that.

Current SB-related book: Memoirs of a Geisha. I've seen the movie and didn't think it was all that hot, but my close female friend convinced me that the book was waaaaay better, and I trust her taste. Plus, it's a whole book about a woman well-versed in the art of paid companionship - hoping I can learn a thing or two (yeah yeah, I know it's fiction, but the guy who wrote it really did interview a former geisha for source material). I've only just started, but it's quite good so far. It manages to do the whole Japanese metaphor thing without being cloying or cliche, and for that I must commend it. When I get to the good stuff I'll blog it here.

Is anyone else completely fucking IN LOVE with the current "bandage dress" trend? I definitely have the body to pull this off (almost 5'8'', 125 lbs, 34C-26-35), but I've purposely avoided such form-fitting dresses in the past for fear of looking "too sexy" and attracting the wrong kind of attention (with all the young urban men in my neighborhood, I usually do whatever I can to pass under their radar, and that includes avoiding might-as-well-be-naked dresses like these). But hell, if I'm going to be living this lifestyle, I'm going to revel in my near-perfect measurements. To hell with my conservative community's standard - I'm going to dress my curved like curves this year. No more wishing I could chop off my boobs so I could wear flapper dresses without looking obscene. No more figuring out ways to drop 10 to 15 pounds so I can pull off that gaunt-chic look. I'm gonna dress like a woman, damn it.

This all kind of goes along with my spring resolution to buy and wear WAY more dresses than I buy/wear now. Seriously, it's time for me to grow up and start wearing those kick-ass dresses that make me love Jackie O and Michelle Obama.

Of course, all this is assuming that this sugar daddy works out. But I'm not too worried - he took the initiative today to text me. He hasn't forgotten about us.

Invest young, retire young.

2009-03-20T20:17:00.000-07:00

Mr. Nice is in Vegas this weekend, back next week. I'll see him Tuesday or Wednesday. Think we're going to see a film - need to do some research and see what he might like.

Been thinking looooong and hard about what I'm going to do with the extra money from my allowance. Some of it will be spent on silly things - clothes, shoes, Tiffany's, perfume, gourmet food - the things that will improve my "quality of life" in the here and now.

But what about the future?

This year, I'm setting a personal financial goal. I'm going to set aside 5000 dollars to invest in a Roth IRA (Individual Retirement Account, if you're unfamiliar). Roth IRA's are a great choice - unlike regular IRAs, which tax you when you take money out of them, a Roth IRA allows you to remove money from it tax-free at any time. Since over time tax-rates go up, it makes more sense to pay taxes up-front (or not, in the case of gift income) than to pay whatever the going tax rate is 40 years from now.

I've been reading a lot of financial advice, and after looking at some calculations, I realize that if I'm able to put away even 2000 a year into an IRA for the next 45 years (with a projected long-term return of 10%), by the time I'm 65 I'll have close to 2 million dollars. If I live another 30 years beyond that, to be 95, I'll be living on about 60,000 a year. Which, even in the year 2050, shouldn't be too shabby an income. If I can invest more each year, I can retire with even more than that, even EARLIER than that. And nothing sounds better to me than some sweet sweet early retirement.

Of course, I know my extra income from sugaring won't last. I need to make the most of it while I can, and that means investing in the future now, while time is on my side. I've loved the sugar journey so far, but I already recognize that it's simply a fun thing I'm doing while I'm a young starving student, not a full-time job or even necessarily a steady source of income. Hopefully by the time my productive life as a sugar baby is over (between 25 and 30), I'll have a solid career that's making me enough to live comfortably.

Sugarbabies, I implore you. Invest in your futures. Don't trust in Social Security. Invest young, ride out the market, retire young, and travel the world as that rich cougar who drinks pina coladas and makes all the cabana boys carry stacks of towels in front of their Speedos.

The Feminine Mystique and sugarbaby culture in the modern era.

2009-03-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

Today's book: The Feminine Mystique, by Betty Friedan. A second-wave-feminist critique of the post-war "happy housewife" propaganda culture.

I read the first 4 chapters of this terrific book at my job today (I read when it gets slow), and I wondered how it might relate to the sugar lifestyle. Friedan makes the case that the "happy housewife" is a myth - that bright young girls are taught to tamp down their dreams as they age, and when they marry and have children, their identities and dreams become lost in the endless cycle of meaningless chores.

I see both sides of this - some women do find a very intense satisfaction in devoting themselves to their families. But I know that I am not that kind of woman myself. When I was out of work for months last year, I essentially lived as a housewife. I woke up whenever I wanted, stayed home all day except for when I went out with my boyfriend, cleaned and cooked each night, and had essentially no responsibilities. And it completely, completely sucked. I was bored out of my mind. I felt myself becoming stupider each day. I desperately craved human interaction. I let my looks go. I felt no sense of self-worth, because I was unable to accomplish anything. No one relied on me for anything. I became afraid of confrontation - so much so that I often avoided answering my phone or the door. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone because I was so ashamed of my inaction.

I thought about my sugardaddy and my allowance today. I realized that I'm actually glad my allowance is 2k a month instead of 3k. I'll be earning that extra thousand each month myself, instead of relying on my SD for it. I'll be relying on myself for most of my basic needs, instead of on a man. Mr. Nice will spoil me, but it will mostly be "fun money" and extra pocket change for all the little things I can't afford on a budget.

And I think that's how it should be. For me, at least.

My follow-up.

2009-03-18T19:37:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I send Mr. Nice the necessary thank-you note:

Hey [Mr. Nice] - I know you're probably pretty busy today, just wanted to shoot you a quick email saying thanks for a really nice lunch, and thanks for making the financial discussion so painless for me. I don't really know quite how the actual logistics will work, but I'm sure we can figure it out next week. I'll happily bow to your experience on the matter.

Have fun in Vegas! I expect to hear at least one funny stripper-related story when you get back :)

- [Sugar Kitten]

This evening he texted me a response:

Hey just got your email it's been a CRAZY day but don't worry, we will work out the dreaded "arrangement" next week :)

So that's good news. He and I have an inside joke about the word "arrangement" - neither of us like it very much so whenever we use it, we do so while rolling our eyes. I think the best thing for me would be a direct deposit from his bank account to mine, but whatever, he's had SB's before so maybe he already has a method that works for him.

Have to work a straight 9 hour shift tomorrow, and I only slept about 3 hours last night. Def. need some sleep.

I probably won't have any of the really exciting sugar news until I see Mr. Nice next week, though, I currently am reading some books that relate to the SD/SB lifestyle, so I'm thinking my next post will be about those...until next week I'm just going to let myself daydream about how to spend my allowance, what to shop for when we shop, how I can best spoil him and make him feel good, fun places we could hang out, etc.

I kind of officially have a sugar daddy!

2009-03-17T15:54:00.000-07:00

Gentle readers, I had a very successful second meeting with Mr. Nice today. We ate a late lunch (VERY late, as I was about 30 minutes late to the restaurant - the second time he's had to wait for me to find a place I picked out) and ended up spending almost 2 hours lingering over a nice meal of appetizers, entrees, and coffee.

I was worried we wouldn't have anything to talk about but we had PLENTY of subjects we hadn't touched on. He had a bad stalker-esque experience with a past SB, and we (well, mostly I) talked about politics and economics. We talked about his job in software and how he travels all the time, and he asked if I'd like to come with him sometimes (he travels within the US mainly to places like Texas and California, but also to places like Naples, Italy) - I said I'd have to think about it and let him know.

Towards the end, when we got to coffee, he brought up the financial part of the arrangement. I'd like to say that I gave him the confident little speech I had prepared, but I didn't. I got nervous at the mention of money and clammed up. Luckily, he immediately saw that I was uncomfortable and said that we could talk about it via email, and that he saw the amount on my profile (2K a month) and said that was fine with him, and that if I wanted we could spend some of our dates shopping with his card at the very upscale mall in his area.

So yeah, it looks like we're going to be meeting once a week and my allowance will be 2K a month, plus shopping privileges. He also said that if I ever got into a bad spot and needed some extra funds, I could ask him and he could provide me the help I need.

We talked about what our expectations were, and he was super reasonable about what he was thinking, in terms of sex. First he made sure I was looking for a physical relationship and not just a friendship - which I thought was pretty gentlemanly of him. Then he said that while he didn't mind waiting for me to be ready to take the next step and that he in no way wanted to pressure me (this guy brings up the "no pressure" thing constantly), he didn't think he could wait "100 dates" to be intimate (which is what one of his SBs in the past wanted to do). I said that was fine with me - I'm young, but I'm not naive, and I'm also looking for a physical relationship, so I had no trouble with that. I know my toned/curvy body turns him on and I know I'm good in bed, and I'd love to share both those things with the right person. I'm wondering if as an older guy, he has some awesome tricks in bed that he'd like to show me...

It's funny how much more attractive someone becomes to you when you really start to like their personality. Maybe it was the awesome lighting in the restaurant, but after a couple hours of fun banter and witty repartee Mr. Nice started to appeal to me a lot more then he did last time. I feel the start of a sense of fondness towards him growing within me. Not love, but friendliness.

Hurrah! I still have to email him (he checks his email 200 times a day -he says he checks it last thing before he goes to sleep and first thing when he wakes up in the morning) and ask him about how exactly he's handled the fund transfer with his past SB's. He's a good guy who really likes me, and our personalities mesh quite well. He's "real", if you know what I mean.

I'm really, really happy with how this has turned out. But I won't get my hopes up too far until I see some actual fiscal responsibility from him, if you know what I mean. Hoping that will be soon - I've got a couple of bills that have come due recently, and while I do have the money to pay them myself, it'll be a tight month.

Keep hope alive, all you sugar babies who have not found your daddies yet! There are nice, cool, real guys out there who do have money and do want to spoil you.

PS - Someone - Jess Bunny maybe? - asked where I live that my living expenses could be 1200 a month - I live in a suburb of Washington DC, and I split the rent with my boyfriend. It's about 1000 a month rent for a decent 2 bedroom apartment here, so I only pay about 500 a month rent.

Things that young hip people like.

2009-03-15T14:04:00.000-07:00

A few updates to tide you ravenous sugars over for the weekend...

Confirmed with Mr. Nice for Tuesday. Man, I freaking LOVE Clyde's, the food is delicious and the service is great. I'm on a seafood binge right now so if they have crab or salmon I'll definitely be ordering that. We'll see how Mr. Nice handles the check/tip at the end of the night...I feel like the way someone handles a restaurant bill says a lot about a SD's character.

Beauty stuff...I ordered the Retin A last week. 10 to 21 days to ship, so at the worst it'll come by the very end of this month. Can't wait. Did another at-home glycolic acid peel today (not so much a peel as a mask, really) and my skin is looking pretty decent. Need to keep it in good shape for Tuesday, so no more going to bed without washing my face (the cardinal sin!)

Came across a really good "tell-all" article about beauty on Allure's website today: Confessions of a Beauty Editor.

As far as clothes go, my current obsession is Urban Outfitters. I'd have to lose 10 or 15 pounds before I would look good in anything they sell (which would be a little tricky - I'm already a size 2/4) , but I still adore their ugly/pretty clothes.

Ahh I can't wait to go traveling this summer! I've got such bad wanderlust. I'll do some traveling in Asia for a couple of weeks and also a week or so along the west coast of America. This is all new for me - I've never even been on a plane before! While in Asia I plan on eating all the strangest, most unusual food I can possibly find (fried crickets, anyone?). I'll also be doing several hours of walking/hiking each day though (walking burns about 100 calories an hour) so hopefully the calories will balance out.

Ok, that's it for now, happy weekend sugars! Hope everyone's keeping hope alive in their search for a SD.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

2009-03-14T17:09:00.000-07:00

Boston: Still MIA. Tired of chasing this guy, but he lives sooooo close to me that I'm really tempted just because it'll be so much more convenient. Plus, I'm more sexually attracted to him than I am to Mr. Nice. Probably because of his irritating cockiness. Ah well. If anything new develops I'll blog it ASAP.

Going out to a late lunch with Mr. Nice at Clyde's on Tuesday afternoon. He's very cool in that he is the pursuant one in our relationship - he sent a follow-up email the night after our date asking for a second meeting, which was very sweet. At first I thought this guy might be creepy and desperate, but the more I communicate with him, the more I see he's just a sweet guy who's going through a hard divorce all alone. I can only imagine what a blow to your self-esteem a divorce must be, esp. after 15+ years of marriage.

Some SDs are looking for sex and kink, some are looking for arm candy, some are guys stuck in fratboy-mode for the rest of their lives. But this guy seems like he just badly needs a companion and a friendly ear.

Going to try to bring up the allowance question at our lunch. It's funny, I almost didn't go to our first date. I got lost on the way there, ended up passing it, then turned around to come home. Luckily on the way home I saw the road I was supposed to turn on to and made a last-second decision to go through with it. And now I'm really, really glad I did.

On my profile I say I need a SD who can afford at least 2000 a month - I'm def. going to try for 3000 a month with Mr. Nice. He's making 500,000+ a year, so I'm pretty sure he can afford it. I heard someone say on the SA blog that it should be like tithes - 10% of the SD's income! I think that's a little extreme - I would not feel comfortable accepting that amount of money from a man. I think that at first, a sugarbaby should determine her needs independent of any daddy. THEN when she meets a man, she can see what he has to offer her and adjust her expectations accordingly. Once again, I will quote from the now-defunct blog, Wannabe Sugarbaby:

"Don't say "what am I worth to you," you need to tell him what you think you're worth. In my opinion, you should ask for an amount that covers all your monthly bills, including rent and leaves you with enough cash for two spa trips. "

(I wish she had kept updating! She gave good advice and was really experienced. Tiffany, if you're reading this, please come back!)

Now, for me, that amount is probably about 2K. 1200 in rent and bills, plus 2 generous spa trips. I could live very, very comfortably for 2 thousand a month. But for an extra grand a month, I could live like the freaking queen of England. And for a guy who makes somewhere close to a million dollars a year, the difference between 24,000 and 36,000 is elementary.

So yeah. I made another wishlist today, but this one includes investing in a Roth IRA for my retirement. Remember sugarbabes - save some of that sugar for your golden years! Sugaring is great, but it won't last forever. Invest a little while you're young and you can be a millionaire when you're old. True story.

(Image: Machu Picchu, one of the places I MUST visit before I die. So freaking beautiful.)

My date with Mr. Nice

2009-03-12T18:38:00.000-07:00

I'm officially changing J's nickname to Mr. Nice...reasons to be disseminated here.

Ok, so, Wednesday afternoon I met with Mr. Nice for coffee at a Starbucks. We spoke for about an hour about various things: his divorce, his kids, his work and travel, my work, my school, our hobbies. He was incredibly nice - in fact, he was beyond nice, he was almost desperately pleasant. Boston, in retrospect, now seems stand-offish and arrogant. Our convo was easy and fun - I felt at ease with him immediately.

Mr. Nice wanted to go to lunch with me, but that was a little too quick for me. I've only just started my sugar career, but I've already got a set routine with potential sugar daddies: coffee, then lunch/dinner, and at that second meal I feel it's just about the right time to decide if it's time to go forward with an arrangement.

Next week he's going to Vegas with some friends for a long weekend (he says occasional gambling is his main vice), but he wants to have lunch with me. He was very no-pressure, which I liked a lot. He just wants something light and friendly while he goes through his divorce. He seemed like he was really desperate for companionship. Yeah, I'll be seeing him again.

It's so strange - Mr. Nice makes A LOT of money (his bracket is 500 thousand to a million a year) - a lot more than Boston. But he was so much more laid-back, just an easy-going and normal guy. Isn't that strange? You'd think the more money someone makes, the more driven and insufferable that person would be. You'd also think that to make that much money, the person would have to be really aggressive. But Mr. Nice was the opposite of those things. Which is pretty cool. I'm going to try to see him again next Tuesday, during which we will discuss arrangement terms. I'll let you guys know.

To everyone who's commenting on my blog: thank you for your support! It's the comments that make me want to keep writing. Here's hoping all you sugar babes find a sweet daddy very soon.

Miniature panic attack.

2009-03-11T09:02:00.000-07:00

Had a weird little thing this morning just now, right when I woke up. I started feeling really panicked and stressed out and my heart was pounding. It only lasted a minute or so, but geeze, it really freaked me out. I've only ever had one panic attack before in my whole life, and this felt like the beginning of one.

Ok, J emailed back and we've agreed to meet at a Starbucks about 50 minutes from my house. I need to start getting ready now if I want to be able to leave in time. I'll post when I get home from work tonight about how it went and whether or not it looks like I might have successfully landed a cool sugardaddy. Cross your fingers for me ladies!

Limbo

2009-03-10T14:08:00.001-07:00

Stuck nowhere right now, waiting for J to email me back confirming he's available to meet tomorrow...I'll give him a more creative blog nickname as things develop and I find out more about him. Maybe "Mr. Millionaire" hahaha.

Just put the order for in the mail for my Retin A 0.05%...it says on the order form to allow 10 to 21 days for delivery. 3 weeks? Seriously? Is it coming by Pony Express? In any case, I'm seriously looking forward to it. You guys have probably noticed how much I love experimenting on my skin. Need to make sure I buy a good moisturizer with strong SPF to go along with it (the active ingredient makes your skin super sensitive to the sun). Should also buy a cute hat and some kick-ass giant sunglasses. Maybe I can go shopping tomorrow before my coffee date with J...

J is the one who offered to let me go shopping with his card sometimes. I'm pondering what sorts of things I would buy with someone else's credit card...honestly, I think on the first shopping trip I would buy completely responsible stuff at Costco or Target - dishwashing soap, contact solution, toilet paper, cat food. It would be nice to have a little back-up on these kinds of basics in case our arrangement ends suddenly and I don't have as much expendable cash on hand. Plus, I hate going to the store any more than absolutely necessary, so buying in bulk is the perfect M.O. for me.

Then after those basics are covered....clothes, clothes, and more clothes. I haven't bought new clothes in a long time, so a whole closet full would make me feel like a very spoiled little princess indeed. And how cute are these petal-pink Louboutins?

New sugar daddy prospect on the line...proceeding with caution.

2009-03-10T07:21:00.000-07:00

New email from the decent-looking millionaire J:

"This week is pretty good for me, the best days would be Wednesday or Friday. I work in Xxxxx. Can we meet half way? Perhaps Xxxxx would work, I am assuming you are in Xxxxxx as that is what the profile says. I could make it around 2 pm either day if you want to have a late lunch or meet for coffee. You can get me on my cell if you want to talk first xxx-xxx-xxxx Feel free to call anytime. Take care."

Big giant brownie points for making a date and also for suggesting we meet halfway - esp. as he works an hour away from my place. I'm probably going to try to meet with him Wednesday, ie, tomorrow. Don't know if Boston will be around, but he's not doing anything to pursue our relationship, so I might let him dangle in the wind for a little while.

(Yeah, I know he has to work hard to remain rich enough to be a sugar daddy, but would it kill him to take 30 seconds to text me once in a while? It costs nothing to be polite.)

Geeze, it's weird how it's so easy to become attached to potential guys before they've even shown any SD qualities. I'm def. going to keep trying with Boston, and boy, it would be awesome to have 2 SDs.

OK, I'm writing J back now with the address of a Starbucks that's semi-in-between our locations. Woo! If I can meet with J AND Boston, this might be a very good week for me.

Hehehe - I'm signed up for the urban dictionary word of the day, and a few days ago they sent me a word which I thought appropriate, and I wanted to share it:

	sexsuade
	To convince someone to agree to, accept, or do something, usually by using the promise of sex (explicit or implicit) or by withholding sex until you get your way. Girl 1: My bf won't take me out to dinner. Girl 2: You need to sexsuade that man!

Hahahahaha. Love it.

Boston unavailable, Fat Daddy impolite. Story of my life.

2009-03-09T13:05:00.000-07:00

Boston texted me back 30 min. later, saying that he's swamped today and tomorrow. I texted him back that it was ok and that I'd try him again later this week. Anyone else annoyed by this kind of behavior? I don't just want him to chase me - I want him to WANT to chase me. He's the big-shot here, he's the experienced one...I don't need him to hold my hand through this, but if he wanted to do 50% of the work, I sure as hell wouldn't mind.

Well in any case, I kind of wish we could just skip the whole awkward first couple of dates thing and get straight to a nice, straight-forward arrangement. I have a feeling that although our conversations are only so-so in terms of interest, our sexual compatibility will be quite high.

I wish I could just skip ahead a couple of months to a time when we can have silly pillow talk and tickling and nuzzling without it being awkward. A time when we can just hang out and watch movies, or spend all day in bed. A time when I can ask him all those intimate questions about his life and his personal philosophies and what brought him to this lifestyle. Those are the moments I live for. That's what I'm looking for in my ideal SD relationship.

SO YEAH. Going to try him Wednesday or Thursday. Got plenty of time this month before bills come due, so going to spend it romancing some potential daddies.

In other news, got an email from a guy I'll call Fat Daddy. FD and I emailed back and forth a little - his letters were awesome, smart, kind, cultured. But when he sent his pictures, I'll admit - I was turned off. The guy must weigh 275, 300 pounds. And he's not just one of those "built" linebacker types - he's the fat/sweaty type who you can picture getting winded while walking up stairs.

But I didn't want to burn that bridge until I was secure in my relationship with another SD. So I told him that I was starting something up with another SD and that I only wanted ONE arrangement at a time. Then at the end of last month when I was really strapped for cash, I emailed him. But my other SD - a guy who I haven't mentioned on this blog before, I'll call him Mr. Sensitivity - came through for me, and I was able to make rent.

But right around this time, Fat Daddy's emails became a little rude - curt, even. I told him I couldn't meet him one day because I had to take my mom out. He wrote back "Sure...blow mom off." Rude, right? He had previously referred to himself as a Southern Gentleman, but he wrote several emails that really put me off.

So today he writes me and says "You still around baby? Still interested?"

Ugh. Don't call me "baby" unless we've been dating for at least a year, and/or you've been providing me 2 to 3 grand in spoiling each month. Most likely will not be responding.

Only the wrong guys are pursuing me. Going running tonight so that I can be in awesome shape when I start screwing around with Boston. Going to glaze my hair and do some strategic hair removal tonight.

I'm not sure I have the courage for this...plus, good advice.

2009-03-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'm laying around in my bed, naked, with the window open and the glorious spring weather rushing in. Got my cell phone here...trying to make myself text Boston so that he knows I'm available all day today. To get this sugar train rolling we need to have a second date during which we have a little sexy time and I get him aroused. Then he will be putty in my hands, so to speak. Wannabe Sugarbaby has a great post about this on her long-abandoned blog. She says:

"First off, try to get a feel for how generous he will be by the places he takes you to and how well he tips. Next make sure you're into him and he's into you, take your time here, go on a few dates if you need to. Finally when you feel the time his right (basically you both click and he wants you sexually) bring up the topic by saying he's wonderful and you like him a lot but you have certain needs as well....You can kiss and fool around, but NO sex (oral included) until he begins to help you. Capice?"

So, yeah. I'm in a tricky spot right now. I need to go buy a new skirt before I see Boston again - I have a feeling that would expedite the process of making him my SD considerably. Plus I need to finish all this up by 6 PM, ideally, as that's when my boyfriend gets home from work.

Wish he would chase me a little bit more than I'm chasing him. It's frustrating. But I guess I'm only letting myself be frustrated by it because I'm placing him above me as "the more important person in the realtionship." When really, we should be on equal ground. We both have something to give, and we both want something. I wish I knew more about game theory.

Ok, texting him now.

Hey [Boston], it's [me]. Are you free to hang out today? If not its cool - I'm on spring break so I'm available all week. Let me know.

Message sent. Trying to keep it light but specific. Decided against a smiley at the end. Ok, officially time to shower and put on clothes now. I'll keep you updated when he texts back. He's glued to his blackberry so it shouldn't take long.

Also might be ordering my retin-A cream today...we'll see. Depends on what he texts back.

Longest weekend of all time.

2009-03-08T18:06:00.001-07:00

Friday: Watchmen was great, but the editing was indulgent. Save something for the Director's Cut, buddy. Also, RDJ is not sexy when he has a fat neck prosthetic on. Sadly. Still, one of my favorite comic book movies of all time.

Saturday: Worked all day, then had a bonfire with friends. Actually a genuinely awesome day.

Today: Worked from 8 AM to 8 PM with no lunch or breaks. Came home all zombified.

In between working my butt off and reading the gloom-and-doom newspaper's stories about the economy, I resolved to redouble my efforts to find a nice, lucrative daddy in the next few weeks. 9 bucks an hour just ain't cutting it. More later.

One of the best days ever. Plus, RDJ!

2009-03-06T14:10:00.000-08:00

Wow, today has been amazing. Not as much on the sugar front (though if you want the newest SD news you can skip right to the bottom), but on the personal front it's been great.

First of all, the weather kicked all kinds of ass. It's the first spring-y day we've had, and it felt soooooooo good when I walked out of my front door this morning in just a light sweater. It was breezy and fresh the whole day. After MONTHS of painful bracing cold, my mood shot through the roof when I saw how nice it would be (a balmy 72).

Second, I worked really hard and turned in everything I needed to turn in for one of my classes that's ending this week. I actually buckled down and wrote out a 6 pages paper I had to finish. And it took way less time than I thought it would. Guess I'm just that good.

Third, I totally came through for my job at a time when they really needed someone to come in and cover. For once I was actually completely necessary and not at all redundant. You know Maslow's Pyramid of Self-Actualization? I was right there on the top, baby.

Fourth, my awesome boyfriend (just my normal sweet boyfriend, not a SD at all) is taking me out to see the new Watchmen movie tonight, and I am so FREAKING excited. We haven't been out on a date-date in a while - we're due. And I really can't wait to see this movie. I will take any excuse to watch Robert Downey Jr. on screen. Or off. Or from the branches of a tree outside his house. Seriously, I love this man. The only thing that sucks is how much he looks like my ex boyfriend who I still have a big soft spot for, even though I haven't seen him in over a year. Well, in any case, I <3 RDJ. If you're like me and have a giant fetish for him, go youtube "I Want Love". Seriously, you won't regret it.

Fifth, tomorrow I get to hang out with all my friends who are home from college. I rarely get to see them, so this will be a serious treat for me.

Sixth, I got emails from both J and S with pictures attached. S is kind of creepy looking, but it might just be the picture. J is not bad looking, but not really my type. He looks like he'd be a lot of fun to hang out with though. I'll definitely make a date with him and set something up. Who knows? Maybe in real life he's the most magnetic, charismatic, awesome guy ever. In any case, I know he's got lots of cash to blow, and that's really the ace in the hole for me.

Working all weekend, then figuring out how to nab Boston sometime next week. She's a man-eater...

Seperating the men from the boys...

2009-03-05T14:41:00.000-08:00

Prospective sugar daddies:

J is a blond-haired, blue-eyed, real-estate-rich bachelor.

J's message: Hi - I like your profile, you sound fun. I am looking for something similar and yes you could use my card for shopping but only once in a while, lol

Anyway check out my profile and let me know if you want to talk, take care

Nice! Brownie points for mentioning shopping in a way which let me know he's read my profile. No pic though - we'll see what he believes an "average" body type is.

S is a 44-year old millionaire with a graduate degree. He describes himself as "slim" which might mean "frightenly gaunt" or "delicious slender", depending on the guy.

S's message: Hello,
It appears we're looking for the same thing. And I do find you quite attractive. If you're interested, would you contact me at xxxx@xxxxxxxx.com

And if you're willing, I'd love to see additional photos.
S

Not bad - like any red-blooded American, I like the idea of having millionaire friends at my disposal. If his numbers are real, he could take care of me in all the ways I'm looking for. Plus he's married, so like me, he would only want to meet one day a week. But the fact that he'd like additional pics strikes me as a little sketch - especially considering the fact that he does not have any pics at all on his SA page. Pic collector? We'll see. I'm going to email both back and ask for photos - time to seperate the men from the boys.

Got an email back from Boston - in response for my wish to reschedule, he said "Ok, let me know what works for you." Awesome - the ball's in my court on that one. I really want to see the Watchmen movie - I love Robert Downey Jr. and want to have his babies - so maybe I can drag Boston to that one day next week. Plus a movie theater would give us some prime making-out time, and I definitely want to try to get in some lip time the next time we meet. Do guys who are almost 40 like that sort of thing? I guess we'll find out...

Mmm...linen.

2009-03-05T13:43:00.000-08:00

I freaking LOVE the VS Luxe Linen line. Say that 5 times fast.

If/when I get a SD, I'm going to buy practically everything in that line for my trip to (hot and humid) south-east Asia. Linen is the quintessential "casual yet elegant" rich-person cloth.

Work called and asked if I could cover the afternoon shift tomorrow, so I emailed Boston and told him that next week would be better for me. We'll see if he wants the pootie enough to wait for it...in the mean time I'll be making plans with other SDs. Always have to have back-up.

I've been sitting, waiting, wishing...

2009-03-05T07:02:00.000-08:00

Boston said he wants to shoot for a meeting "later this week" - well, it's Thursday, and here I am, like a girl in a 1950's movie, checking my cell phone and email every few seconds, waiting to hear from him. I know I shouldn't be doing this - I know I should be a strong, independent girl who can just barely pencil him in to my schedule - but the truth is, I like this guy and I am seriously jonesing for some disposable income. I don't want to miss my chance when it comes. In fact I made a little list of the stuff I'll want to buy when/if I get an allowance:

1. Put away 500 dollars so that I have a one-month rent cushion, just in case.
2. One tube Retin A cream, 0.05%, $16.95 + $10.00 shipping.
3. Pay off a big part of my TKD bill each month until it's totally paid off (this will be $2000+)
4. Buy some new clothes and shoes to wear around him so he has a strong visual reminder of his investment. Flirty spring skirts (this month is going out like a lamb, after all), a few dresses, beautiful little heels of all shapes and colors, and tops that show my narrow waist and large chest to their greatest advantage.
5. In time - I will FINALLY buy a few things for myself that I have coveted for YEARS. A bottle of Burberry Brit for Women, a Tiffany's oval-tag bracelet, a turquoise ipod, and a pair of those fucking ADORABLE ruffle-front Louboutin heels. Yup - I'm all about the status symbols, baby.
6. All the normal stuff - another year's worth of contact lenses, a full tank of gas, and maybe a costco membership so I can buy the gallon-size jar of hummus...
7. Oh yeah - I'm traveling to Asia this summer and need to put away a bunch of money (like 800 dollars) so that I'll have spending money while I'm there. After watching an awesome show on the food channal, I intend to try to eat as many things as possible from street vendors, and of course I want to bring home awesome trinkets for my friends, family, boyfriend, and sugar daddy! I also need to buy clothes that will see me through the trip - I've been advised it will be hot and humid and rain a lot, so I should wear linen pants that will dry quickly when the sun comes out. I also need to be covered up modestly enough so that I can go into the religious temples, etc.
8. Take my mom and dad out for a NICE dinner. When they go out they go to McDonald's, Blimpy's...that kind of place. They NEVER take themselves anywhere nice. So since both of them had their birthdays in February (but I was too broke to bring them anything but baked goods) I'd like to do them a solid and have them come out with me to our local upscale watering hole. They deserve it.

Ok. Off to the store to buy tweezers so I can make myself beautiful.

"I ain't talkin' about rich, I'm talking about WEALTH."

2009-03-04T07:37:00.000-08:00

Chris Rock talking about the difference between being rich and having wealth. I absolutely freakin' love this obscene black man. And he makes a good point - if and when I acquire a good solid sugar daddy, I need to make sure than I'm not just spending on "dead-end" luxury items like jewelry - I need to put some of that cash into wealth-generating investments. I'm making myself a promise right now - for every sugar dollar I spend on something transient like jewelry and clothes, I will invest a dollar as well. Hopefully by the time I'm 40 I'll have enough put away to "live the dream" and travel for the rest of my life.

I Do Not Have AIDS

2009-03-03T20:55:00.000-08:00

I gave blood a couple of weeks ago and I finally got the letter back from them today. They screen your blood for all kinds of stuff - mostly STDS - and then notify you of your elegibility status by mail.

Now, I've had a lot of sex in my 20 years of life. 5 partners, 4 of whom I've had unprotected sex with at some point. I know I've been stupid - it's not the carefree days of yore when the worst that could happen was a scorching case of veeeeeeedeeeeeee. We live in the world of AIDS now, and the risks are very, very real. More than half a million people in America are living with AIDS right this moment, and another 56,000 will contract HIV sometime this year. The worst thing abut AIDS is that you can contract it and not even realize it for YEARS - by which time you might have caused a chain reaction of hundreds of infections. I've taken some pretty big gambles with my health, and I've never had an STD test. I know I probably sound like an irresponsible floozy, but I'm willing to bet my sexual hygiene is no worse than most other college sophomores out there. I'll redeem myself with a PSA at the end of this post, ok?

So when they told me they would test my blood, I was nervous. I didn't know what kind of results might come back. What was I going to do if I had HIV? What if I had given it to my (always faithful) boyfriend? How would I explain to my family? How would I live the rest of my life? Would I die soon, or would I linger for decades, stop-gapping the dam with a slew of expensive first-world drugs? Would I be able to live with the survivor's guilt, knowing that I was only alive because my family is rich enough (and white enough) to afford the antiretroviral therapy to keep me alive when so many others have died?

Yeah, my imagination gets crazy when I contemplate my mortality. Suffice it to say, my stomach did a big twist when I saw the "Blood Donor Services" letter in the mail today. I literally did the "deep breath" thing to came myself as I tore it open.

Thanks to whatever deity is up there - I don't have HIV or AIDS or any other funny business floating around in there. My blood is clean enough to go into another person's body.

If you'll pardon the turn of phrase - there's something so heart-rending about giving blood. My very source of being might be replenishing someone else - what passed through my heart will pass through someone else's. I'm thrilled and electrified by the idea of such intense intacy with a complete stranger. This is the most personal gift I can possibly give - more "real" than sexual intimacy, even. More concrete and tangible. You can't pick favorites - the violent chaos of the universe chooses for you.

Plus, for the first time in my life, I got to find out my blood type. B+. Only about 8% of the population is B. The letter said because it's rare it'll probably really help someone. Although it's ok for everyone to receive O, it's best to receive your exact blood type - the match is easier for your body to handle. So I get the satisfaction of knowing my blood hopefully really helped someone, and the icing on the cake is that I'm a little bit special, unusual, rare, etc.

Just as I always suspected :)

Seriously kids - wear a rubber and get tested regularly. Don't be stupid like I was. You owe it to your health.

A lovely article about courtesans.

2009-03-03T19:34:00.000-08:00

Came across this article about courtesans online. Not perfectly written, but lots of good information for SBs to keep in mind. A few highlights:

"A Courtesan:

- Is educated. She can talk about current events and is an interesting conversationalist. This group can be self-taught or she can have a degree.
- Is focused on her client. She reads him. From subtle signs, she know what he wants and effortlessly gives it. She is very attentive to details and pays close (closer than he realizes) attention to what he says. She picks up many things from his 'ramblings" - what he likes, dislikes, what's important, what's trivial, how he thinks, what he desires.

Courtesans do not:

- Burden patrons with personal problems
- Recite a long list of rules and prohibited actions.

In short a courtesan is a classy lady friend who you go to for companionship, comfort, good sex and relaxation. She leaves without a whimper and does not try to control your life. She is worth evey penny she is paid."

[Author Unknown]

Goal for this year: lose 5 pounds.

2009-03-03T14:51:00.000-08:00

This is a brand-new goal for me - I've never, ever dieted before. But I've been sitting on the couch for the last 10 months trying to find a job, and I'm starting to feel a little bit of the spread happening around the back part of my hips. Besides - just bought the cutest new swim suit from Victoria's Secret and I want the bottoms (S) to fit as perfectly as the top (M) does.

Stuff to do before my second date...

2009-03-03T07:41:00.000-08:00

1. Put together an outfit that is both a) appropriate to the weather and b) somehow includes a pair of sexy high heels. May need to buy new clothes and/or shoes. Now might be the time to go shopping with those gifts cards to American Eagle and the Gap...it takes money to make money, amirite?

Note to self: wear lots of skirts around Boston. He's a leg man who likes obviously feminine clothing.

2. Buy/borrow/steal some tweezers and do my eyebrows. I lost my tweezers and I haven't done them in weeks. I know how much better my face looks with a perfectly arched brow. In fact I should try to do that today before I see my friend for lunch...must run out to the market.

3. Learn some about Boston (not the man - the city he grew up in) so we have something to talk about.

4. Buy some lipgloss and put some mints in my purse.

Whoo! Second date confirmed.

2009-03-02T14:34:00.000-08:00

Just checked my email. From Boston: "Yes let's plan for later in the week."

Thank god! The worst of my period will be over by then and I'll be much better company.

Now the question: what to wear?

Free Love Is A Pipe Dream

2009-03-01T20:29:00.000-08:00

or, The Old Rules Have Become Insuffient To Our Needs And Thus No Longer Apply

Urgh, nervousness. Haven't heard from Boston since his (very positive and affirming) texts immediately after our coffee date. He's the SD, so I feel like he should be courting/chasing me, not the other way around. It's tough to balance the "men like a good chase" thing with the "assertive men like assertive women" thing.

I don't have time for messing around - I need some cashflow, and I need it this week. Just started my new job but won't get paid til a week after bills are due. Sent him an email last night saying that I'd like to see him again and listing my free days this week. I suggested light stuff - lunch or a movie - but in reality I'd like him to come up with something more titilating, like hot-tubbing and champagne at his place, for example.

Whoops - my Boogie Nights fantasies are coming back around. Must keep reminding myself that this is the 00's (soon to be the 10's!) and that we are still living in the shadow of the never-slow-down 90's. People are too busy to live out their porn-star fantasies in avacado-colored conversation pits, beset on all sides by golden birdbaths filled to the brim with cocaine. Free love is a pipe dream - we would never be able to get through the first 10 minutes of our 17 person orgy before someone's Blackberry would bring us all crashing back to the relentless grind of the post-80's economy. Those times are gone with the wind. I blame Reagan.

Back on topic - as much as I want to pretend that this is a normal relationship, several parts of my brain (esp. the parts responsible for the monthly budget) are acutely aware that this is, at least to some degree, an artificial contrivance which may require unusual methods of stimulation to keep it growing and evolving. SD/SB relationships are actually quite far removed from the "natural pairing of fertile women with good providers" or any of that other natural-selection BS they try to pedal on the propaganda pages. Quite the opposite. It's the Frankenstein's monster of dating. At best, learning how to date like this successfully is a tight-rope act - the ultimate mix of business and pleasure. At worst, it's the delusional little sister of prostitution.

I'm in a mood from the bad back-ache due to my period, please excuse me if you're one of the 47 groups of people I manage to offend with this post. Just waiting for the ibuprophen to kick in. Yesterday I realized that I seem to harbor a latent desire for a Vicodin habit. Laying in bed crippled but unable to sleep, now seems like as good a time as any for the Magical Controlled Substances Fairy to descend from the heavens and bestow a little bottle of schedule III opiod analgesics on my delicate constitution.

Yeah, this has been a really ADD post. Now time to catch up on Weeds and do some homework.

Financial Considerations

2009-03-01T01:44:00.000-08:00

Big news: I'm famous! Or at least, infamous. The wonderful SA blog quoted some of my questions.

Check it out here: http://www.seekingarrangement.com/blog/?p=175

Ugh, not feeling too sexy today. First day of my period. It's occurred to me that if I get an SD I'm going to have to be *extremely* scrupulous about keeping track of exactly when my period is going to come - both to guard against pregnancy and to prevent embarrassing surprises. My period is sort of my arch nemisis - it likes to fake me out with PMS symptoms for a few days, then lay low for a few, then sneak attack me. This also kind of throws things off - I was planning on seducing Boston this week so I could get the cash from him that I need to pay the beginning-of-the-month bills. Instead, it looks like it's time to sell the 55 inch TV. I'm a little sad - I love that TV - but if I get money from Boston next week then I can buy us an even nicer one - maybe something flat we could hang on the wall.

Not that there aren't plenty of ways to satisfy a man during that time of the month, but I'd be really happy if I could avoid feeling all bloated and messy and back-achey during our first kiss and/or make-out session.

I wonder how to bring up finances - I'm guessing we should go on Date Number Two and at least kiss and hold hands to see if there's a sexual spark there. We talked for a good hour before and have enough common interests to be friendly acquaintances, but who knows where the passion comes from?

I want this to be real - I don't want to have to fake this. In an ideal world, I would expect this to be a whirl-wind romance with my hormone-puzzle-piece-fitting partner. But this isn't Utopia, it's plain old crappy reality. And I know that in reality, for 2000+ a month, I would be willing to fake a couple of orgasms. God knows I've faked plenty before for free.

Which brings me back to money - I was originally looking for 2000 a month. 1200 for living expenses, 800 for fun. But on Boston's SA profile, his assistance range was 3K to 5K.

Now, I don't need 5K a month. I'm pretty sure having that much disposable income would simply encourage fiscal irresponsibility. Unlike the US government, I don't feel comfortable wasting thousands of dollars of someone else's money on frivolous things. Besides which, at a 5K/mo budget, I would feel uncomfortably indebted to him. Indentured, even. I would feel terrible any time he asked to see me and I couldn't because of work or school. I would never feel able to say No to him if he asked for something sexually I wasn't into, because then I would feel like a bad investment.

That said, I am an American and a staunch capitalist, and seeing a higher money-making potential than I originally anticipated is making bells and bright lights go off in my head. I know I would be a fool to accept less from a man who can easily afford it. So, the question of the day is, should I ask for 2500 or 3000/mo? I'm thinking I'll ask for 3000, and let him bargain me down if he likes. Or who knows? He might be totally fine with 3K and I'm just being neurotic. It's all just semantics to me at this point - once I have my monthly bills paid and a little put away for a rainy day, all the rest is just for fun anyway.

Thank god I have this blog to think out-loud on.

Looking good for my sugar daddy.

2009-02-28T11:53:00.000-08:00

As a sugarbabe, my appearance is my number one investment. It's not enough to be "cute" - you have to take the necessary steps to transform yourself into a knock-out. A man isn't paying 2000+ a month for a "girl-next-door", he's paying for a fantasy woman, an idealization of beauty and femininity. Boston is a good example of this - he LOVES women in high heels.

So, here are some steps I've been looking into to keep myself in tip-top shape:

1) Face - skin should be luminous, flawless, poreless: airbrushed magazine-model skin. Sadly, I was not born to have this kind of skin naturally (I've got mild acne, big pores, and hyperpigmentation on my cheeks left over from previous pimples) and I've spent the last 8 years of my life trying to figure out how to make my skin look perfect at all times. Not to mention, now, at age 20, I have noticed the very beginnings of *gasp* fine lines on my forehead! They're almost definitely not noticeable to anyone but me, but I make a lot of facial expressions during the day which cause my forehead to crease, and I only just noticed how much older forehead creases make you look. I blame my dad - he's got one of those foreheads that's creased in such a way where it looks like you could flip his face upside down and he'd still be making the same expression.

I've been hearing all kinds of good things about the old stand-by Retin-A, and I'm eager to try it. Peope all over the internet hail it as the miracle skin cream - it pushes all the crap out of your pores, increases collagen, fades fine lines and some pigmentation, and exfoliates off the top layers of skin. The down-side is that before you can get to the awesomeness of the new skin, you have to deal with all your below-the-surface break-outs coming up and with the dead layers of outer skin sloughing off - which means redness, dryness, peeling, flaking, itching, tightness, and super-sensitivity to sun.

Obv. I'm too broke to afford an 80$ doctor's visit for prescription for a 180$ tube of medication (what the hell is wrong with this country?), but I found an online mexican pharmacy (yeah, I know how sketch that sounds, but I've found multiple good reviews for it) that will ship various strengths of Retin-A for suuuuuper-cheap (Less than 30 a tube, plus 10 bucks shipping) WITHOUT a prescription. Even Retin A Micro. All this stuff is available OTC in Mexico, how cool is tht? Yeah, I'm self-medicating, and it's semi-dangerous, but I've read A LOT about Retin-A and I think I know at least somewhat what I'm getting into. I remember at like age 15 sampling some of my friend's tube when I was over at her house for a sleep-over, and the next day my skin peeling off like crazy. I can deal with that again.

Sadly I don't have the cash on hand right now even for a 35 dollar order, but assuming that this thing with Boston works out, it'll be right at the top of my list. At least for the current moment my skin is behaving, aside from a couple of small scabs from an at-home glycolic acid peel - can you tell I like Doing It Myself?

2) Body. A well-taken-care-of body is almost as important as a pretty face. After all, you have a great deal more control over what your body looks like than over what your face looks like. I've already got a very respectable body (it's what made me consider sugar-babying in the first place) with great measurements - 5'7'', 127 lbs, 36-26-36. I'd like to get my waist size down, but that may or may not be in the genetic cards for me. I've also noticed a bit more jiggle in the love-handles/bottom area and would like to lose about 5 to 8 pounds to correct that jiggling.

Luckily my hobby - martial arts - keeps me doing active cardio at least an hour twice a week, but that's not really enough. When my cashflow starts up I'm going to buy myself a decent-set of running shoes - running is good for heart AND the hips! Plus, as I found out about a month ago, runner's high is not just a myth runners use to trick you into joining their masochistic cult - it's a REAL high and it feels AMAZING. I don't know why so many people use illegal drugs (though I do think many illegal drugs should be legal - but that's another post) when there are so many legal ways to get high.

My current favorite eating-healthy tip: unsweetened applesauce is the BEST "diet" food ever. It's a super cheap (less than 2 bucks for that giant bottle) way to get a serving of fruit, and at 50 calories for a half-cup (a more than ample serving size) I don't feel bad for snacking on it throughout the day.

3) Clothes are the third part of the puzzle. Simply put, if possible you should dress like you don't need his money. Successful people like being seen with other well-put-together people. If you're a starving student and have trouble dressing to the nines every time you see your sugardaddy, at the very least invest in good lingerie and shoes.

My current issue is - Boston likes heels, and I wore my nicest pair (silver with turquoise ribbons) on our first meeting. I only have a few more pairs. Hoping he'll spot me some assistance before I run out of heels to impress him with. Of course I could go with the "Maybe if I wear the same pairs a few times he'll decide it's time to spoil me" train of SB logic. It's all a game, and I'm still learning the rules.

I've rambled on long enough. Will post again when I have some new developments.

First SD meeting.

2009-02-27T18:23:00.000-08:00

Boston and I met at a local coffee shop and talked for about an hour. He said most of his past arrangements have ended badly either because the girl was lying to him ( ie, on the second or third date she’d pull out something like “Oh, by the way, I strip….” or “I’m married.") or because they were too far away from each other. He said he didn’t like having long distance arrangements because of all the stress of planning. So it works out well that we live about 20 minutes from each other. He’s also had trouble with SBs getting greedy and taking advantage of him.

At the end we hugged and he said he’d like to see me again. I’m pretty excited - he’s a really cool guy and I’m pretty attracted to him.