I Do Not Have AIDS

I gave blood a couple of weeks ago and I finally got the letter back from them today. They screen your blood for all kinds of stuff - mostly STDS - and then notify you of your elegibility status by mail.

Now, I've had a lot of sex in my 20 years of life. 5 partners, 4 of whom I've had unprotected sex with at some point. I know I've been stupid - it's not the carefree days of yore when the worst that could happen was a scorching case of veeeeeeedeeeeeee. We live in the world of AIDS now, and the risks are very, very real. More than half a million people in America are living with AIDS right this moment, and another 56,000 will contract HIV sometime this year. The worst thing abut AIDS is that you can contract it and not even realize it for YEARS - by which time you might have caused a chain reaction of hundreds of infections. I've taken some pretty big gambles with my health, and I've never had an STD test. I know I probably sound like an irresponsible floozy, but I'm willing to bet my sexual hygiene is no worse than most other college sophomores out there. I'll redeem myself with a PSA at the end of this post, ok?

So when they told me they would test my blood, I was nervous. I didn't know what kind of results might come back. What was I going to do if I had HIV? What if I had given it to my (always faithful) boyfriend? How would I explain to my family? How would I live the rest of my life? Would I die soon, or would I linger for decades, stop-gapping the dam with a slew of expensive first-world drugs? Would I be able to live with the survivor's guilt, knowing that I was only alive because my family is rich enough (and white enough) to afford the antiretroviral therapy to keep me alive when so many others have died?

Yeah, my imagination gets crazy when I contemplate my mortality. Suffice it to say, my stomach did a big twist when I saw the "Blood Donor Services" letter in the mail today. I literally did the "deep breath" thing to came myself as I tore it open.

Thanks to whatever deity is up there - I don't have HIV or AIDS or any other funny business floating around in there. My blood is clean enough to go into another person's body.

If you'll pardon the turn of phrase - there's something so heart-rending about giving blood. My very source of being might be replenishing someone else - what passed through my heart will pass through someone else's. I'm thrilled and electrified by the idea of such intense intacy with a complete stranger. This is the most personal gift I can possibly give - more "real" than sexual intimacy, even. More concrete and tangible. You can't pick favorites - the violent chaos of the universe chooses for you.

Plus, for the first time in my life, I got to find out my blood type. B+. Only about 8% of the population is B. The letter said because it's rare it'll probably really help someone. Although it's ok for everyone to receive O, it's best to receive your exact blood type - the match is easier for your body to handle. So I get the satisfaction of knowing my blood hopefully really helped someone, and the icing on the cake is that I'm a little bit special, unusual, rare, etc.

Just as I always suspected :)

Seriously kids - wear a rubber and get tested regularly. Don't be stupid like I was. You owe it to your health.